Like a dying flame
by Athese
Summary: When Shredder finally manages to capture one of the turtles, he hacks into Donnie's laptop to talk to them. They have to hand over their father. If not, they will have to watch their brother getting tortured. Can his brothers save him before it is too late? Still don't own them, rating can change to M
1. Chapter 1

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone****  
>But though you're still with me<br>I've been alone all along**

**-Evanescence, My Immortal. **

**Prologue~ **

Night has fallen over New York. People were walking home, trying to get home as fast as possible. Homeless were trying to find a place to sleep and the small gangs were slowly appearing on the streets. J

Leo sighed as he lowered his katana. Sweat was falling down his forehead and he quickly wiped it away. Maybe he was training too much. A short break wouldn't hurt. And with that he carefully placed his katana's on the ground and walked outside the dojo.

The soft sound of the TV could be heard and in front was his younger brother, Raphael. An irritated look on his face and holding his t-phone. Like he was expected someone to call.

"Where's Donnie?" Leo asked and began to drink the cold water from the bottle. Raph grunted from the couch and shrugged.

"dunno, think he's still in tha lab" Raph answered and stared back at his phone again. Something felt off. Leo shrugged and decided it was nothing. Still drinking the water he walked over to the lab. Donnie was as expected behind his computer. Working on something.

"Hey Don, what are you doing?" leo asked as he entered the lab. Donnie looked up for a second before looking back at the screen again. Leo chuckled slightly when he saw Donnie was also holding his t-phone. But unlike Raph this one was taken apart fully.

"I'm trying to improve our t-phones. I'm trying to install a panick-button but it doesn't seem to work" Donnie sighed and placed everything on his desk. Leaning backwards slightly and sighing in annoyance.

"Well good luck, tell me if you need help" Leo offered and turned around. "By the way, have you seen Mikey somewhere?" Donnie whipped his head around at the question but shook his head. He had been in his lab for the whole day now. He hasn't seen Mikey all day, which was surprising since he would always come to bother him.

"No I haven't. I though he was with you or something" Donnie frowned.

"Fearless, have ya seen Mikey. He ain't answering his t-phone and I'm hungry" Raph's voice cut in as he too walked into the lab. Donnie grunted slightly. He couldn't concentrate with all these noises. He was going to open his mouth to tell them when suddenly his screen began to beep.

"Donnie what is going on?" Leo asked, not really comfortable with the strange noises. Donnie frowned and looked at the pop-up appearing on the screen. Nervously he trailed his cursor around, trying to find the button to click it away, but there wasn't.

"I don't know!" Donnie yelled distressed, trying to search the cause of the pop-up. "I…I think someone's trying to hack my computer" He paled slightly and began to type, trying to get the pop-up away. It was loading. The screen was black and something was loading.

"Well get rid of it" Leo said and rushed over to Donnie's screen. Paling too when he saw the pop-up. This couldn't be good.

"Just click on it Don" Raph growled as he too walked over to the screen. Just when he reached the screen it was done loading. Revealing a man in front of them. Which they all knew. The room around them grew dense and they all paled.

"Hello turtles" it was the Shredder, holding up an orange mask.


	2. Chapter 2

**Where there is a flame  
>Someone's bound to get burned<br>But just because it burns  
>Doesn't mean you're gonna die<strong>

**You gotta get up and try, try, try**

**-Pink**

**Chapter 1.**

"Hello turtles" Shredder said. Everything disappeared around them. Shredder was standing there. On the screen, talking to them. Holding up Mikey's mask. The shredder began to laugh seeing the shocked reaction of the turtles. He began to play slightly with the orange mask in his hand and proudly began to show it to them.

"As you can see I have your brother. Tell me turtles, which one is more worth: your brother or your father?" He smirked, slightly ripping the mask apart. Donnie's and Leo's eyes widened at the comment. He had Mikey. He was captured! Raph's face turned into a frown, gritting his teeth.

"Yer lying. Ma brother will be home any minute" Raph growled and grabbed his t-phone. The Shredder only laughed when he flipped the phone open and began to dial Mikey's number. Raphael kept his eyes fixed on the screen and placed the phone on his ear. Seconds later a phone began to ring. With an enormous smirk Shredder showed Mikey's t-phone before crushing it.

"Donnie you have to do something. He'll track our location" Leo whispered. His heart was beating in his chest. He was terrified. Mikey was in the hands of Shredder, and he knew what he wanted. It wasn't Mikey, it wasn't any of them. It was Splinter he wanted. And he would do anything to accomplish that.

"Don't worry Leonardo. That purple idiot has blocked that privilege. We can't track your computer, but we can hack it and have this nice conversation" Shredder grinned and sat down on his chair. Crossing his arms in front of his chest. "So, your brother or your father?" He pushed once more and raised an eyebrow behind the mask.

"I….i-I ….we… I mean…. We c-can't" Leo stuttered wide-eyed. He couldn't give away their location right? He couldn't give up his father, but he couldn't give up Mikey either.

"You can't or you won't?" Shredder remarked. "If you won't hand over Hamato Yoshi I think I will have to force it out of that little one" He remarked and pushed a red button next to his desk. A door went open, revealing Rahzar. "Bring the prisoner" Shredder ordered. Without saying anything Rahzar nodded and left the room.

"Don't hurt him! Take me, take me instead!" Leo screamed towards the Shredder. And once again he began to laugh.

"Take you? Oh dear Leonardo. I don't think you understand the situation don't you? See you're not going to tell me where your father is when I force those answers out of you, right?" He questioned, smirking slightly behind his kabuto. "But I know how protective you all are over Michelangelo. The youngest is always the easiest to break right?"

Raph growled in anger but stayed put. For Mikey sake. Donnie gritted his teeth. He had to find Shredder, and Mikey. Seconds later he began to type rapidly. Trying to hack into Shredder's computer in response.

"You're so obnoxious Donatello. I can't track your location, and you can't track mine. Sounds fair right?" Just then Donnie realized it was useless. Baxter Stockman, or whoever was working for Shredder too, had probably protected his computer very good. Denying anyone to hack into his computer.

"Now, you have only a few minutes before your brother will be brought in and you'll enjoy the show. You can spare him if you hand over your father" Shredder offered once more. This couldn't be real. This all had to be some freakish nightmare. This couldn't be happening.

"Why do ya think we will watch?" Raph spat out. He felt useless standing there. His brother was there, in the hands of Shredder but he could do nothing at all. Mikey needed him, he needed Leo and Donnie. And they weren't there to help him.

"Because I can see if you watch, and let me tell you, if you don't I'll kill him, slowly and painfully." Shredder remarked. "And one last thing, your 'father' isn't allowed to see these little video diaries, understood?"

Leo was the only one to nod. He knew Shredder was now the one playing the game, and they had to follow the rules. And how much it pained him, they had to watch. They had to watch whatever he would do to Mikey.

"Good boy" Shredder praised. "Now, I hear Rahzar approaching, you have one last chance"

All three of them stayed silent. Nobody said something. They just couldn't' right? Their father or Mikey. How could they ever choose between them? They wanted to save Mikey so badly but they couldn't give up their father. Their baby brother or their father? How could they ever choose.

"Very well then, enjoy the show. And I'll mute you all, so he can't hear you" He smirked. "He can't know you're all watching now can he? And remember, I can see if you walked away" And with that he pressed the button, muting the turtles and turning around.

They could still hear the sounds on Shredders side, but he couldn't hear them. So Mikey couldn't hear them. He wouldn't know they would watch. And that was exactly what Shredder wanted.

They were all silent when Shredder walked over to the middle of the room. Sinister showing the wooden chair in the middle of the room. Thick leather straps for the wrists, elbows and ankles. Seconds later the door opened and Rahzar walked into the room.

A feeling of guilt spread among the turtles when they saw the struggling turtle in the hands of Rahzar. He was struggling as hard as he could but Rahzar had an iron grip on him. Shredder ordered Rahzar to place Mikey in the chair and he did as what asked. Mikey was crying slightly when his wrist, elbows and ankles were strapped in place on the chair.

Shredder gave a last look to where the camera was hanging. _If you don't watch I'll kill him, slowly and painfully_. And that was the only thing that kept them watching.

Mikey was too busy trying to get out of the straps to notice the Shredder staring at the wall. The camera was so small that only if you knew where it was you could see it.

"Now Michelangelo" Shredder started and kneeled next to Mikey. So he was on the same eyelevel. Mikey whimpered and turned his head from Shredders scary face. Shredder chuckled and grabbed Mikey face and forced it to look his way.

"I think you know now what I want. And you're going to tell me where it is" Shredder growled. Mikey whimpered again but kept his eyes open. He wasn't about to show weakness. He formed as much as he could and then spit in Shredders face.

"No" Donnie whispered in awe. Before they could say anything else Shredders fist connected with the side of Mikey's skull. A tiny bit of blood began to seep through the wound and Mikey was dazzled for a second before yelping slightly.

"Tell me where he is!" Shredder snared, clearly losing his patience already.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Mikey spat back. No matter what he would do, he wouldn't tell. And despite the situation. They all felt proud. They all knew Mikey was the most scared of the Shredder, and even though he wouldn't let his family down.

"You know who I mean, Hamato Yoshi. That hideous rat you call your father" Shredder growled but Mikey stayed put and shook his head.

"If you won't talk I'm will have to force it out of you" Shredder threatened and showed Mikey some kind of device, which awfully looked like a large lighter.

"I won't betray my family" Mikey said stubbornly. Shredder growled and clicked open the lighter and showed the relatively large flame coming out of the lighter. Mikey went pale but sealed his mouth shut. He wasn't going to tell, no matter what.

"Have it your way" Shredder growled and trailed the flame closely along Mikey's right arm. The green skin immediately turned red and blisters started to form on his skin. Mikey started convulsing in the chair and began to scream from agony. Shredder snickered seeing the reaction and trailed upwards. Eventually reaching Mikey's shoulder and he took the flame from Mikey's body. Looking over the damage he had done.

"P-please s-stop" Mikey cried, shaking from the pain. Again Shredder lit the lighter and approached Mikey's shoulder. Donnie was crying and turned around to hide in Leo's plastron. Leo's face was twisted. Pain and guilt in his eyes. Raph stood there, gritting his teeth. He felt so useless.

"I haven't even started" Shredder smirked and placed the flame on Mikey's left arm. Again he started to convulse in the chair and the icy scream echoed through the room.

**Eventually this will result in me hating myself, oh well …. ^^**


	3. Chapter 3

Just like with my other story, I'm so so sorry for the late update. Really and I finished this in one day just to finally update a chapter so my brain is practically dead right now but I'm rather satisfied with it but that's just me ^^

And it's a rather long one, on my watch at least.

**One day  
>I`m gonna forget your name,<br>And one sweet day,  
>You´re gonna drown in my lost pain. <strong>

**TMNT**

Nobody said after the connection was broken. The scene kept repeating itself. Mikey writhing and screaming in pain as the fire continued to lick his body. His arms, his legs, his plastron. Everything was left with red blisters. Tears continuously streaming down his face.

It was too much for them. Donnie was still covering his face in the plastron of Leo. Soaking it with his tears. Leo stood there. Allowing Donnie to cry in his plastron and trying to comfort him as much as he could at the moment.

Raph stood there, his eyes clutched to the screen. His teeth gritted and his hands were forced into fists. So much his knuckles were beginning to turn white.

It was a trick. Shredder was using Mikey to get to Splinter. By targeting the youngest they targeted them all. They would all perish while Mikey would be hurting.

"M-Mikey" Donnie sobbed from Leo's plastron and slowly pulled away. His eyes were bloodshot from the crying and he sniffled slightly. The screams of his only little brother kept ringing through his ears. The pleadings and him begging to stop the pain. But after all he was determined to save his family.

How much he was hurting, and they knew he was, he wasn't going to say anything. He endured the pain for his family. And somehow Donnie wished he didn't. In some way he wanted Mikey to say it. But he couldn't sacrifice his father. But could he sacrifice Mikey?

"W-We're going to rescue him otouto" Leo stated, his voice was shivering slightly. His heart was painfully pounding in his chest. Every breath seemed to hurt. He was failing. The thing he was afraid of, failing the team, and he was. He was failing the team. Mikey was hurting. And he wasn't there to save him. He was a horrible leader.

"We will, Shredder will pay" Raph said coldly, but the tears were already forming in the corners of his eyes. He growled lowly and bit the tears back. He had to stay strong now. Mikey needed him, he couldn't cry right now. He couldn't give up now. He had to help and save his little brother. Shredder would regret hurting him.

Leo closed his eyes and sank back onto the chair. Finally allowing his own tears to flow. How could he rescue Mikey? How could he rescue his youngest brother? It was obvious Shredder wasn't at his usual lair. That would be just too easy, even if it would be a trap. They had to find him first. They would have to search the whole city for Mikey.

But they were willing to do that. They would search every alley and every building if it would mean Mikey would be found.

They just had to hurry. Mikey was the youngest and most vulnerable. He was already scared of the Shredder and this wasn´t going to help. He would be terrified if they were to find him too late. And that´s why they had to be fast.

TMNT

_Mikey sighed as he watched the sun slowly rising above the buildings of New York. It was a peaceful sight. He took a deep breath and sighed again. The streets were unusually quiet. The streets were almost a few cars were crossing. _

_It had already been a few hours until he´d left the lair but the conversation was still fresh in his mind. Raph growling at him. Giving him angry faces. Screw up, grow up. Only a few words were said. Raph was mad, hurt. He knew it. But he also knew Raph loved him. He knew it but the words still hurt. _

_Maybe he was useless. But he just wanted to make his brother happy again. He couldn't bare seeing Raph so defeated and hurt. He just wanted to cheer him up. _

_"What is an ugly mutant like you doing out here alone?" Mikey whipped his head around at the voice and instantly drew his weapons. His eyes widened with fear when he saw Fish face and Rahzar standing there, 20 footbots behind them. _

_"Sais you" Mikey snapped back. He stepped into a defensive stand and waited for them to attack. And they did. As soon as Rahzar charged in the fight broke loose. Footbots came from all the directions possible. They weren´t a threat and Mikey easily managed to knock them all out. But after doing so he was exhausted and Rahzar and Fish face were still standing. _

_"You´re fighting skills are impressive. I must say" Fishface smirked and then he charged in too. Mikey still stood there, panting heavily. Footbots laid around him. And he wasn´t fast enough. He was tired and the metal leg hit him in his plastron, hard. He felt the wind being knocked out of him and he got onto his knees. Holding his chest, trying to get his breath under control. _

_Again a strong kick hit him. This time in his side. He cried out and fell hard on his side and winced slightly. Before he could even process what was happening he felt the sharp claws of Rahzar grabbing his wrists and painfully holding it behind his shell. _

_Mikey cried out again and began to kick heavily. "Let me go!" He screamed and kicked Rahzar hard. Forcing the large mutant to release him. Mikey instantly fell to his knees and grunted. With sore movement he got up and managed to dodge an attack coming from Rahzar. _

_"You better surrender. You are outnumbered" Fishface smirked as he too charged in on the small turtle. Mikey frowned and dodged another kick. He landed on his feet swiftly and did a spinning kick. Knocking Fishface into the wall._

_Only Rahzar was left standing. Growling at him and claws ready to attack. Mikey winced slightly and prepared himself for the attack. His chest was rapidly rising. Trying to draw as much of oxygen as he could. He was exhausted but he had to carry on. _

_With a large roar Rahzar charged in but Mikey quickly jumped out of the way. With a strong kick of his own he managed to knock Rahzar in the wall too. _

_Mikey smiled slightly when he saw the two mutants in front of him, against the wall. "Better next time" He said and placed a hand on his chest. He had to get out of here. He should have never left the lair. But just when he turned around he heard the familiar sounds of the footbots again. _

_He cried out when he nearly dodged a sword aiming for his chest. "Give a turtle a break!" He shouted and raised his arms. 30 new footbots were coming his way. He growled lowly and this time was the first one to charge in. He kicked one in the chest and ripped off his sword. _

_He jumped back again so he had enough distance for a while and switched the sword his hands. When he was finally satisfied he charged again. Continuously slashing through the footbots. _

_He had seen Leo practice his swords so many times that he wasn't struggling with using it. But it bothered him how the swords were used in general. They weren't free and flailing like his own weapons but for a ninja, anything was a weapon. _

_Suddenly he felt a strong foot hitting him in his shell. He cried out and he fell to the ground. Wheezing heavily he slipped onto his shell and stared with wide eyes at Rahzar. The mutant growled and wrapped his claws around Mikey's throat. _

_Mikey whined and tried to get the claws off his throat but it wasn't working. Rahzar was stronger than he was. Slowly he felt the oxygen leave him and he weakly began to kick, trying to break free. _

_"Sweet dreams Michelangelo" Rahzar growled before releasing Mikey. Mikey groaned slightly when darkness overtook him. The oxygen loss and the fight was too much for him and he passed out. _

_TMNT_

"We will save him" Leo stated again. More trying to convince himself than his brothers. They were defeated. Donnie had been crying so hard over his only little brother and Raph just stood there. Trying desperately to hold back his tears. Guilt washing all over his face.

Even worse than knowing your little brother was taken was knowing what was happening to him. And even worse than that was actually seeing it. It was Shredder's plan, showing them what was happening to Mikey. Letting them see how he suffered. In order to find the location of their father.

Burning and torturing the youngest in front of them. And all they could do was stand there. Completely useless.

"I-I'll inform f-father" Leo whispered. His voice was cracking and his heart was pounding in his chest. He didn't want to, how could he possibly tell he failed him? And that Mikey was captured. and was being tortured, how could he?

The lab door protested when Leo opened it and left the lab.

As soon Leo left the lab tears began to stream down Raph's face. He fell to the ground and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking violently and loud sobs escaped his mouth.

"It's all my fault" Raph whispered and angrily slammed his fists into the stone floor. He grunted at the pain that shot through his hand but he ignored it and slammed down once again.

"It's not your fault Raph" Donnie tried to sooth him and rubbed his shell to comfort him. Raph shook his head and tried to push his younger brother away but his hands were shaking and it was more a gentle shove.

"It is. It's all ma fault." Raph continued and slammed down on the ground again. Scraping his knuckles against the floor. Blood was appearing on top of his knuckles but he didn't seem to notice.

"Raph..." Donnie tried again. Trying to comfort his older brother. He had never seen him like this. It had been so long he had seen Raph cry. The last time actually being the moment he had lost Spike. But even then it wasn't that bad. He would never be so devastated.

Raph growled and angrily wiped his tears away. "What day is it?" He said lowly and gritted his teeth. Donnie was surprised by the question and didn't know what to say. Why was Raph asking him what day it was? Then it suddenly hit him.

"Spike" Donnie whispered, more as a statement than as a question. Raph nodded in approval.

"It has been one month since... I lost Spike" Raph seemed to struggle to find his words as he spoke about his lost friend. "Mikey just w-wanted to comfort me. I chased him away. It's because of me he's gone. He would've never gone out if it wasn't for me"

TMNT

_"Raph?" Slowly Mikey looked up at his brother. Even from here he could see the hurt look on his brothers face. The usual tough turtle's face was twisted and filled with guilt but also lost. He was lost. Mikey hated seeing his brother like this. He hated seeing any of his family like this. Upset and lost. _

_Raph didn't respond and just kept on hitting his punching bag. His teeth were gritted and sweat was dripping down his forehead. His knuckles were visibly sore from all the hitting and the poor punching bag was leaking from a large hole. Sand dripping onto the floor _

_"Go away Mikey" Raph growled when Mikey hesitantly took a step into the dojo but never stopped hitting his punching bag. _

_"Why Raph? What's wrong?" Mikey insisted and took another step. Walking closer to his older brother. Raph growled before hitting the punching bag so hard it flew around the dojo. It hit the wall hard and crumpled into a heap against the wall. _

_"I'm not in the mood Mikey. Just go away." Raph argued and wanted to walk past Mikey but he blocked the way. "I said go" Raph warned but still Mikey was determined not to move. He hated seeing Raph like this and he was going to fix it. _

_"No Raph. You're upset. Tell me what's wrong" Mikey pleaded. Raph growled again and heavily pushed Mikey away. Finally making way for him to walk past Mikey. The orange clad turtle cursed himself for letting Raph past so easily and ran after him into the living room. _

_"Go away Mikey" Raph warned again but didn't look back. Silently making his way into his room. And still Mikey followed him. _

_"No way dude, tell me what's wrong" Mikey pleaded and sped up slightly. Raph's hands were shaking. "Is it Spike?" He suddenly asked. He noticed Raph behavior. He acted exactly like this when he had lost Spike. Or Slash. He would also be this distant and isolate himself from the rest. _

_"Shut up!" Raph roared and forcefully opened his door. He was ready to slam the door shut when Mikey placed his foot between it. He grinned slightly when he saw Raph was now unable to close the door. And thus lock it. _

_"Please Raphie, talk to me" Mikey whined as he tried to convince his older brother. Raph and Spike were always so close. And he knew how Raph was taken the loss of his friend, bad. _

_"I said go away Mikey, can't you see I don't want to see yer face aroun'? Yer nothing but a liability. Ya don't understand anything. Just grow up and leave ma alone!" He snapped. Raph growled when he saw the distressed look on Mikey's face. A flash of guilt washed over him. He hated seeing his little brother like this. But still he didn't say anything. _

_He had to leave him alone. He didn't want to talk about Spike. It would only bring back painful memories. He couldn't stand it. And he couldn't cry in front of his family, in front of Mikey. _

_"...O-okay" Mikey stuttered as he tried to keep the hurt out of his voice. Slowly he backed away. Raph snorted and closed the door. Quickly locking it. He sat down against the door and buried his face in his hands. Now he hadn't just lost one friend, but also his little brother. But Mikey would forgive him and he would say sorry in a moment. He never knew he could be so wrong. _

He wasn't concerned when he saw Mikey wasn't in the lair anymore. Of course he was eager to know where he was but he wasn't terrible nervous or something. Because he didn't know Mikey was topside at the moment.

And it was all his fault he got captured. If he had just shut up and allowed his little brother to comfort him, he wouldn't be with the Shredder right now.

TMNT

Leo hesitated slightly before knocking on his father's door. "Enter my son" The sound of his father came from the other side and he obeyed. Silently he slit open the door and walked inside. His father had his back turned towards Leo and was meditating.

"I can sense your distress Leonardo. What is bothering you my son?" The words of his father suddenly felt so heavy around him and he found himself frozen in place. Splinter noticed this and turned around. He was still on his knees and obeyed Leonardo to followed him.

Leo sighed slightly before sitting down on his knees too. He didn't dare to look his father in the eyes.

"My son, what is troubling you?" Splinter pushed again. Slowly Leo dared to look up. His father's eyes were filled with concern. Leo heavily swallowed. He couldn't tell. He didn't want to tell. And suddenly he cursed himself with being the leader.

"It's Mikey" He whispered and looked down again. Splinter's eyes seemed to be piercing through his soul. Accusing him from failing the team.

"What is wrong with Michelangelo?" Splinter asked, now fully concerned and stood up. Leo kept his eyes focused on the ground as he spoke.

"He is being tortured by the Shredder Sensei" A single tear made his way down his face. The silence around the room was almost suffocating. Splinter began to sway on his legs and he sat down. Holding his forehead in disbelieve. His eyes as wide as possible.

"This... can't be" Grief was filled in his voice and he was struggling to find the right words. It couldn't be. His youngest son, captured by his most hated enemy. The man who killed his beloved Tang Shen and took his daughter Miwa. And the same ruthless man now had his youngest son.

He closed his eyes. 'He is being tortured' those were words he wished he would never hear. From the beginning he knew they were different. They could never show them to the humans. They wouldn't understand how they looked like. They would hurt them and do research on them.

And even since the Shredder had showed up he was always scared that one day his sons would be murdered or captured by his most hated enemy. And now his worst nightmare had become reality. His son was in the hands of the Shredder.

"What happened Leonardo?" His voice was thick. He couldn't muster the energy to stay strong for his remaining sons. And he allowed his own tears to escape his eyes. Leo swallowed heavily as the scenes kept playing in front of him.

"D-Donnie was working on s-something when the S-Shredder appeared on the screen. H-He said he had Mikey and we d-didn't believe it s-so he showed his mask." Fresh tears were now rolling down his face as he relieved the whole moment.

"H-He said we had to c-choose. Mikey or y-you. i ... i couldn't and he b-brought in Mikey and bound him to the chair" He stopped slightly. Finding the right words. "H-he began to burn h-him" He covered his face and started to cry. The screams of Mikey still echoing through his head.

The pleadings and the sound of the chair being moved. The desperate cried of help and the tears that streamed down his face.

"I am truly sorry for what has happened to Michelangelo." Splinter started after a few seconds. Leo glanced over to his father who was now standing straight up. His tears had been dried and determination stung in his eyes. "I'll get your brother home tonight"

Leo's eyes widened. "No!" He cried out. "You can't sensei, please" He said and jumped into the arms of his father. Burying his face into Sensei's fur. "Please". Splinter's face twisted upon hearing the desperate cries of his oldest and sat down. Freeing himself from his oldest son.

"Do not fret my son. Michelangelo will be home tonight. Take care of your brothers" He said and patted his shoulder. He was going to do it. He was going to trade himself for the Shredder. Leo wiped away his tears. He couldn't. He couldn't be serious.

"You can't" Leo whispered and looked into his father's eyes. But they didn't change. He was still perfectly capable of sacrificing himself.

"I am very sorry Leonardo. I will leave directly" Splinter said in a serious tone and stood up again. Again Leo wrapped his arms around his father.

"You can't sensei! Y-You know he will not free Mikey" Leo cried and looked into his father's eyes. "Please sensei, promise me, I can't lose you"

"My son, I have to save Michelangelo" Splinter tried again. He felt bad for upsetting Leonardo, but he couldn't sit here doing nothing when his youngest needed him. It was his fault he was captured. Shredder was his enemy. Not theirs.

"It's not the way, this will not bring him back." Leo almost barked. "Please Sensei, you have to promise"

Splinter's eyes switched. He shouldn't be asking himself if he had to go. He would save his sons no matter what. Even if he had to die he would still try. His sons were the most precious thing in his world. And he protected them as much as he could. And maybe that was what kept him here. The pleadings of his oldest son kept him here.

He didn't know for how long, but he knew that Michelangelo would be home soon. Even if it meant sacrificing himself.

Slowly he opened his mouth to assured his own safety when the sound of Leonardo's phone rang through the room. Leo kept his eyes fixed on his sensei when he picked up the phone. The moment he flicked the phone open he gasped in horror. His face went pale and he began to shake. Almost dropping the phone.

Splinter hurriedly stood up and gently took over the phone. The world began to twirl around him. Everything disappeared around him, only gravity holding him down. It was worse than his worst nightmare. Worst than he had ever feared.

On the phone was a picture of Mikey. His hands were bound behind his shell. His whole body was covered with burns and blisters. He had a long cut along his shoulder and in front of him was a bloody knife. Below it was an announcement from none other than the Shredder.

'See you tomorrow at 8, otherwise I will kill him'

**TMNT**

**Poor guys D:**

**I hope I didn't make Raph such a jerk. I wanted him to be the cause of Mikey running away but he also cares deeply about Mikey but he is still very upset about losing Spike. So again, hope he isn't too much of a jerk. **

**and I've got so much planned for this story. Prepare for sick-minded twists ^^ okay maybe not that much... but still some…**

**Till next chapter :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Nothing to say this time, just 'enjoy' xD

**I will wander 'til the end of time, torn away from you. **

They all sat in the lab together. Donnie was sitting on his chair. Leo and Raph were on his sides. Holding each other carefully. No one dared to speak. It was almost 8 in the morning. Just as Shredder had said. Sending a picture of their little brother with it. Beaten and helplessly in the hands of the Shredder. And now they had to watch again. Whatever Shredder would do to him.

Leo squeezed Donnie's shoulder soothingly when he felt Donnie shivering heavily under his grip. He was nervous, just as him. No one wanted to see their little brother getting hurt. But they knew what would happen if they wouldn't look.

Mikey would be killed. Slowly and painfully. Shredder was capable of torturing him, just to get to someone else. He would be able to kill Mikey, in the most cruel way to imagine. And no one wanted their little brother to die. So they went. They went to the lab to watch their little brother getting tortured. Until they would be able to rescue him. And they wouldn't rest before they did.

"Hello again" Shredder smirked when the clock turned to 8 o'clock. They all visually froze when they heard the voice of the Shredder but didn't say anything. Shredder frowned slightly, not expecting this kind of reaction from the turtles but quickly covered it up. "Are you ready to tell where your father is yet?"

Leo had known this question would come but actually hearing it freaked him out. He knew he couldn't tell. He had sworn not to tell, and he knew Mikey wouldn't want him to tell. But somehow he wished he did. Somehow he just wanted to say it. Save Mikey, but then his father would be sacrificed. He thought he knew the answer, but right now he didn't.

He didn't know what to choose but he had repeated this so many times in his head because he knew this question would come. He kept his face without any emotion and slowly opened his dry mouth. "No"

Even that tiny little world seemed to stab him through his heart. Because with that world he had practically disobeyed the Shredder, and that would lead to Mikey's pain. And even though he knew it wasn't true, somehow he believed it was his fault Mikey was hurting. He was the one that wasn't telling, even though he couldn't tell anything. He couldn't sacrifice his father.

"Pity" Was the only response of the Shredder before the sound on their side was turned off and the camera switched, revealing a tied up Mikey. He was again in the same chair. But this time he was covered in burn marks and red blisters. His head hung low and you could see the dried tears on his cheeks. Dried blood was on the side of his head and a long cut on his shoulder.

"Hello Michelangelo, are you comfortable in that chair?" The shredder snickered and gave an evil glance to his brothers. Mikey breathed out slowly but didn't say anything. He kept his eyes fixed on the floor and he kept his mouth shut. Suddenly Shredder grabbed Mikey by the face and jerked it up, holding a knife in front of his face.

Mikey paled seeing the knife and he stared at it with wide eyes. His baby blue eyes were full of fear and tears were beginning to show again.

"I won't be afraid to use it, unless you are willing to tell me where your father is little one" Shredder smirked and placed the knife on top of his cheek. Mikey whimpered slightly and closed his eyes with fear.

"I- I won't" He stuttered and tried to get out of Shredder's grip. The enemy growled dangerously and brought his fist back. Slamming Mikey on his skull again. Mikey cried out and moaned in pain. His eyes were still closed and he was now crying.

And it broke their hearts. It broke their hearts seeing Mikey like this. Afraid, terrified and hurt. Due to the blow the wound on his head had been re-opened again and was now slightly bleeding.

"I won't be so sure" Shredder remarked and with one switch movement he jabbed the knife into Mikey's shoulder. Mikey's eyes widened as the pain spread through his body. He began to spasm again and cried out in pain. A long and icy scream echoing through the whole room.

Shredder's face didn't even twitch the slightest bit upon seeing the youngest turtle's pain and mercilessly removed the knife from his shoulder. "What about now?" Shredder said as he brought his face closer to the small turtle. This time Mikey even refused to say something.

He snorted and grabbed the knife again. Placing it on his bleeding shoulder. Mikey only whimpered slightly before the Shredder slit down his left arm. Easily slicing through the tough turtle skin, revealing the thick blood.

Mikey cried out again and tried everything he could to with-draw his arm but nothing worked as he was still strapped to the chair. Mikey bit his lip and tried to keep in another scream. Causing him to whimper in pain.

"Your brothers won't come, you have no reason to keep it a secret. They don't care" Shredder hissed as he jabbed the knife in between his plastron and his shell with a lot of care. Paying attention not to hit any vital organs. He wanted him to suffer, not to die. Again Mikey cried out in pain and he doubled over. Kicking and screaming to get loose.

"Y-you're wrong. T-they do c-care" Mikey hissed. His voice cracking as he spoke and glared towards the Shredder. With a growl Shredder showed the two blades from his gauntlet and slashed it across Mikey's face. Nearly nicking his eyes.

Mikey cried out again as he felt the blood streaming into his right eye. The cut was diagonal. One blade slashed next to the eye, the other one slashing across it. And if the shredder would have applied a little bit more pressure he could be blind right now. But his eye was still there.

Shredder smirked and watched the turtle crying in pain. He was hurting, he knew he was hurting a lot, and that's why he was now expecting a reaction. An answer or a confession but nothing came. Mikey just kept silent and whimpered in pain.

"You are very very stubborn I must say" Shredder remarked, clearly trying to keep himself from instantly killing the annoying turtle. And even though Mikey had his head low you could still see a slight grin spreading on his face. Not because of the pain but because he knew he was ticking off his enemy this way. And he knew he would never tell him about his father.

"It wasn't a compliment" Shredder roared in anger and then stabbed Mikey in the knee. Mikey's head shot up again and he cried out in pain again. Trying everything he could to get his knee out of his reach. He doubled over from the pain and whimpered slightly.

And then he said something that broke their hearts. Raph pushed Donnie out of the way and grabbed the computer and he leaned in closely. As quickly as he could he turned the volume up. He couldn't hear what he was hearing. It was his fault, Mikey had to hate him. He couldn't say this, it wasn't possible.

But he still did. Even though he thought he was the one responsible for Mikey's capture. That he was the cause of all his pain. He thought for sure Mikey would hate him after this but what he said made him change his mind. It was a small voice. Full of hurt but also hope.

"Help me Raphie"

TMNT

**Yes, help him :0 **

**I hate you Shredder :( **


	5. Chapter 5

**~Somewhere beyond the pain**

**There must be a way to believe  
>We can break through~<strong>

"Help me Raphie" Was the last Mikey managed to say before the pain became too much and he passed out. His head hanging forwards and his chest barely rising. Blood was seeping through the numerous cuts all over his body and the slash over his right eye.

"Take him back and stitch the worst wounds" Shredder obligated towards Rahzar before walking over to the camera and turning the audio on again. "Did you enjoy it turtles? Are you ready to tell yet?" Shredder smirked and slowly sat down.

"Go to hell!" Raph screamed and punched the wall of the lab as hard as he could. He cringed when he easily went through the wall. There was a loud crack and then silence. Raph growled again and with force ripped his hand out of the wall again. Leo and Donnie were both shocked by Raph's action.

And Shredder just laughed seeing the reaction he managed to get out of the turtles. Donnie immediately rushed towards his older brother and grabbed his hand before he could smash it again. His knuckles were already bleeding but it looked like there were no broken bones, yet.

Neither of them said something while Donnie grabbed something to wrap Raph's hand. Leo in the meantime stayed in front of the computer. Watching the Shredder with a neutral expression. He couldn't allow to show any emotion to that bastard. He wouldn't win. He couldn't give him that.

"Did you lost your tongue Leonardo?" Shredder remarked after a few seconds staring. Leo bit his lip and grabbed the table as hard as he could. Up until the moment his knuckles were no longer green but almost completely white. "You know you can end this right. You just have to hand over your father and I'll let your little brother go"

Leo took a deep breath to calm himself down. Shredder was lurking him. He wanted him to get mad. To be angry. So he wouldn't be able to think straight and give away his father. And the most horrible thing was, he almost wanted to. He couldn't stand Mikey getting hurt and somehow he could end this. Even though it meant sacrificing his own dad. And yet he couldn't. It was an impossible choice to make.

"We'll find him Shredder, and you'll be sorry for hurting him" Leo hissed under his breath and continued to stare in Shredder's eyes. Neither of them broke eye contact. Slowly the blood on Shredder's gauntlet was dripping on the ground but Leo tried to ignore it. He tried to ignore the fact his little brother's blood was carelessly dripping on the ground. And Shredder was the cause of it.

"I'm sure you will Leonardo" Shredder laughed. Clearly amusing himself. "But I highly doubt if he is breathing by then"

Leo released the table and began to rub his sore knuckles. "We'll find him. And you'll regret it" Leo said again and crossed his arms. His heart was painfully beating right now and he had trouble keeping his emotions hidden. He wanted to cry so badly right now but he couldn't show how he was affecting. He couldn't allow the Shredder to win.

"If you aren't going to talk I assume I will be seeing you tomorrow" Shredder remarked and also crossed arms. "I think it was electrocution tomorrow. Or should I drown him first?" Leo was ready to open his mouth but he was interrupted by his younger brother.

"Now you listen very carefully Shredder. You stay away from my little brother or I'll personally rip your head off" Donnie growled. Hatred in his eyes like they'd never seen him. His hands were shaking and tears were forming in his eyes but he continued to stare towards the Shredder. And even Shredder seemed to be a bit surprised by his outburst. But he still wasn't impressed.

"And here I thought Raphael was the one with bad temper." Shredder smirked and stood up, bringing his face dangerously close to the camera. His damaged eye clearly showing. "I don't like to be threatened so I'll see you three, and the little twerp tonight instead of tomorrow." And then the screen went black.

**TMNT**

Mikey cried on his way back to his cell. He had woken up only minutes after he'd passed out and now he was being carried to his cell. The familiar halls flashing in front of him. His whole body was hurting. Blood was still oozing from cuts.

His right eye was already starting to swell because of the hit and blood was blocking his view. His knee was stinging so badly, just as his shoulder. Rahzar had him carelessly thrown on his own shoulder. The bony body felt uncomfortable against his sore plastron but that was the least of his concern.

"J-just let me go. P-Please" Mikey tried again but yet again Rahzar didn't cooperate with him.

"Not a change turtle. I enjoy watching you suffer. You four are the cause of my mutation. And you will pay" Rahzar growled and finally reached Mikey's cell. It was just a small iron cell. It was cold and moisture was dripping from the ceiling. Dusk was practically occupying the whole room and the ground was muddy and wet.

"T-that's isn't true. That w-was your o-own fault" Mikey couched and cringed because of the pain it caused him. Rahzar growled warningly and picked up Mikey by his shell, hosting him up in the air until he his eyes were in front of Mikey's baby blue eyes.

"Don't push your luck turtle. If it wasn't for you I would still be human." He growled and showed his teeth dangerously. Without any care he threw Mikey on the ground, earning a pained cry from the injured turtle. "But in some way I should thank you. I may not be human again but I'm faster, stronger, better"

And before Mikey could even react Rahzar began to kick him. Mikey cried out in pain and curled into a ball. Trying to shield his body but nothing worked. His arms were throbbing and stinging so badly right now and he was coughing up blood.

His body was shaking from the pain he was feeling and he prayed for it to be over soon.

Suddenly his eyes widened when he felt a needle entering his arm. He cried out again and tried to push away the needle but had to watch helplessly as the clear liquid entered his system. Mikey felt himself unable to speak when he felt the drug taking effect. Slowly spreading over his whole body. First his arm, and then it slowly spread through his whole body. Making it impossible for him to move.

He was on the ground. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak and he was helpless. And then Rahzar began to punch him again. Kick after punch landed on his small body while he could only lay there. Silent as if he was dead. His mind was screaming in pain. Black stars were appearing in front of his eyes but he couldn't do nothing.

He couldn't scream, he couldn't move, he couldn't do anything. And Rahzar continued to kick him.

After a while Rahzar finally stopped. His body was shaking although he couldn't control or stop it. His whole body was burning and he knew there had to be bruises. Slowly he blinked. Finding out he was regaining some movement in his neck and dropped it to the side. Welcoming the cold floor touching his feverish cheek.

He gasped when his bloody arm was grabbed and the needle was carelessly jabbed in his skin. Roughly stitching the skin so he wouldn't die from the blood loss. Only the worst ones were stitched and Rahzar made sure he was hurting Mikey while doing so. And still he couldn't move.

After roughly stitching up his shoulder, knee and other severe cuts he wrapped them loosely with bandages. And also his right eye was bandaged. So he could only see from his left eye. He could feel the blood already soaking the bandage around his eye but there was nothing he could do.

"Don't worry. Master Shredder will be back tonight. And you can thank your purple brother for that" Rahzar laughed and then left the room. Mikey was too tired to react to the statement. He only knew Donnie would never hurt him. Just like Raph and Leo. _Please save me guys, it hurts so much_

Mikey felt himself getting more tired and tired. The bandages around his wounds were actually in some way really comforting and they managed to warm him slightly. Just then he realized Rahzar forgot to disinfect his wounds but he was too tired to do something about it, and he fell asleep on the dirty floor.

**TMNT**

Donnie instantly fell to the ground. What was he even thinking? Why did he speak like that, to the Shredder! 'I don't like to be threatened so I'll see you three, and the little twerp tonight instead of tomorrow' Slowly he closed his eyes. It was his fault.

Because he spoke Mikey would be tortured even more. If he had just kept silent. Leo was talking to him, Leo was handling it, not him. He shouldn't have talked. _I'm so sorry Otouto. _

"What did I do?" Donnie whispered and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't believe he just did that. He shouldn't have spoken up to the Shredder. Not when he had Mikey, not when his only little brother's life was in danger. He was so stupid.

"It isn't your fault Donnie. We'll find a way to save him" Leo whispered, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice and kneeled next to his little brother. Carefully wrapping an arm around him. Donnie sighed and leaned against Leo's chest in comfort. Squeezing his eyes hut, forcing his tears through his eyes. And even Leo couldn't contain his tears.

"I shouldn't have said anything" Donnie whispered while the tears continued to stream down his face. He failed to protect his only little brother. And right now, because of him, his next round of torture was tonight instead of tomorrow. It was all his fault.

"Shut up!" Raph growled from behind them. "Ya can't just sit here and do nothin'." Both Donnie and Leo turned around when Raph said that. Donnie wiped away his tears and stared towards his older brothers.

"W-we don't know where he is Raph. There is nothing we can do" Donnie tried to reason but Raph shook his head wildly.

"But Mikey does. Ya can hack into his computer and turn on the audio right?" Raph suggested but it was more as a statement than an actual question. Hesitantly Donnie nodded. He was indeed capable of hacking into his computer and maybe he could turn on the audio, but what was the point?

"I-I don't get it Raph. How is t-that going to help Mikey?" Donnie whispered and wiped away the fresh tears that were starting to stream down his face. Raph growled slightly again and walked over to Donnie and Leo. Kneeling down too.

"Maybe Mikey knows where he is, If ya manage to hack into Shredder's computer we can talk ta him briefly" Raph said in a calm down. Meeting Donnie's eyes. The genius twitched nervously because of the idea. He would have to hack into Shredder's computer and then find a way to turn on the Audio so Mikey could hear them.

And if that worked, they could ask Mikey if he knew where they were. And hopefully he did, and hopefully he could tell them before Shredder interfered. It was dangerous but it was maybe the only way to get to Mikey. Donnie blinked away his own tears and looked into Raph's green eyes.

"Let's do it" Donnie stated.

**Is it going to work? :0 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Piecing every thought together,  
>Find the words to make be better.<br>If I only knew how to pull myself apart**

When Mikey woke up he was drained. He was tired, thirsty, hungry and sick. Sweat was trickling down his forehead and he was shivering all over the place. And despite being cold he was so hot at the same time.

The floor was so cold and it was wet. Moisture continuously dripping down the wall, echoing through the small room.

He was still curled up into a ball. Burying his head inside his knees. HIs bruises were stinging and the stitches were pulling. An awful scent kept hanging around the room. Making him wince. And the worst thing was the fact he was the source of the awful smell.

The worst wounds were terribly swollen and throbbing and he knew they were infected.

Mikey shuddered and tried to curl even more into a ball. His muscles were screaming in protest but he kept in the uncomfortable position. He was so cold and yet so warm. And he wanted to go home. He wanted to feel his brothers around him, being comforted by them. Cuddle into the warm and comfortable bed with his family around him.

But he wasn't. Instead he was in the cold cell. In the hands of their worst enemy. Who wanted nothing more than to get to his family, his father. And would do anything to accomplish that.

Mikey winced again when the door opened with a loud crack. A bright light was entering the cold cell and Mikey squeezed his eyes shut, shielding himself from the light. He whimpered and brought his hands over his eyes, trying to protect himself the best he could.

"Rise and shine reptile. Master Shredder wants to see you" The mutant growled and grabbed Mikey's arm with his large claws. Mikey cried out when Rahzar's large claw wrapped around his stitched arm and he weakly tried to kick out of his grip. Rahzar growled when he felt the young turtle kick in his arms which shut him up.

Without saying anything he began to drag Mikey outside the cell and through the large halls. Mikey allowed himself to be carried through the halls. He was too weak to even struggle. His muscles were aching, his stitches were pulling, his head was pounding and his whole body felt weak.

He knew the cuts were infected and that he had to be treated soon in order to survive. He could only hope his brothers would find him soon, or Shredder would be kind enough to treat him.

But somehow Mikey wished he didn't. He didn't want to stay with the Shredder. He wanted to go home or just die. He would die protecting his father and his brothers.

After a few minutes they neared the familiar doors. This was the fourth time he was here. and two of them weren't very pleasant. He shuddered in Rahzar's grip and looked down on all his burn wounds and the cuts all over his body. The first time was the only time Shredder hadn't hurt him. Just simply greeted him and left him there. Chained and alone for hours.

**TMNT**

_His eyes were heavy and his body felt like floating. He groaned and opened his eyes slightly. He winced at the bright light and tried to shield his face but found out he couldn't lift his arms. His eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat. He was in a large cold room and tied to a chair. _

_"I see you are awake" A cold voice snared. Mikey swallowed heavily and looked up fearfully. He felt his blood drained from his whole body when he saw the Shredder standing in front of him. He was captured! He had been captured. _

_"W-What do you want?" Mikey shivered and tried everything he could to free himself from the restraints. The thick leather straps were forcing his arms down on the wooden chair and his head grew heavy. _

_The Shredder smirked slightly and approached Mikey. Kneeling down in front of him and staring into Mikey's baby blue eyes. Mikey whimpered and somehow couldn't force his head away. He was frozen in place. Looking into Shredder's scarred eye. _

_Mikey began to shake uncontrollably and yelped slightly but still found himself frozen in place. Shredder snorted and then stood up again, turning away from the trembling turtle. He turned off the lights and left the room. Leaving Mikey in the pitch-dark for hours. _

**_TMNT_**

It was all set. The shell raiser was ready. Loaded with weapons and medical stuff. Ready to go when they would get the location of Mikey. Master Splinter was in the living room. His sword ready to go. Loaded with shurikens. Donnie, Leo and Raph were all in front of the computer. Weapons ready so they could go when they knew the location.

They had to be fast and they knew it. When Shredder would know they knew his location he would move immediately. And they would have to start all over again. And they couldn't afford that. They knew it was a big risk to do this. Shredder would certainly be pissed when they would define him.

And that's why they had to be fast. But wherever Mikey was, they would get to him in time. They hoped they would, or Mikey would certainly be lost.

Leo's shaky hand went to Donnie's shoulder and Raph did the same. Cuddling as close as they could and they continued to watch. It pained them to do this but they had to. And if everything would work out, this would be the last time they had to do it. And Mikey would be home with them tonight.

And when the clock turned to 8, the screen lit up. Revealing Shredder again. He had was standing in front of the amera. His arms were crossed and behind his mask you could clearly make out the sinister smile lingering on his face.

"Hello again, how's it going today?" He smirked. Leo and Donnie both stayed silent but Raph decided to respond and growled lowly, showing his teeth dangerously. "Where are the manners Raphael? What would Michelangelo think of you?"

Raph let out another growl when Shredder mentioned his little brother but didn't say anything. Shredder's face flashed with annoyance when he noticed he couldn't piss Raphael off just yet.

"Very well then. You are ready to tell me where your father is?" The question was certainly not unexpected and they were all prepared. Shredder had insisted multiple times on telling but they were all very clear, they wouldn't tell. And they would rescue Mikey.

Shredder snorted when receiving no answer.

"He's getting worse by the day. He was crying last night. Pleading for you all to show up. What kind of brothers are you anyways?" Shredder said. It hurt. They knew he was hurting and hoping for them to come, but to actually hear it hurt them very much. They couldn't stand it that their little brother was hurting, and they weren't there to comfort him.

"We won't tell Shredder, just let our brother go" Leo said sternly and tried to keep his emotions within him. He couldn't allow to show Shredder how much he was hurting, but he also knew that Shredder knew he was.

"I don't think he can take more so I will give you one last change" Shredder growled dangerously. But again the turtles didn't say anything. They didn't like this at all. They wanted to tell but they couldn't. And they just hoped Mikey could pull through the night so they could rescue them.

"Very well then. Enjoy seeing your brother suffer" Shredder growled and then turned off the audio. Leo glanced over to Donnie and they shortly nodded to each other before Donnie began to work, making sure Shredder wouldn't notice he was trying to hack him.

Donnie kept working on the computer while Leo and Raph looked with a pained expression as their little brother was brought inside. He was looking so bad. He was sweating and he was shivering the whole time. The blisters and the black spots were covering his body and the cuts were clearly infected and yellow.

Raph swallowed heavily as he watched his little brother being strapped onto a flat table. He wasn't even struggling the slightest bit. He was pale and his eyes were dull and red from crying. His skin was cracking and was shining slightly from the moisture.

There were several stitches on his body. Closing the worst cuts roughly and his right eye was still bandaged and blood was soaking through.

Mikey whimpered slightly when several wires were attached to his skin. The wires were thin but strong and were attached to a large machinery. Rahzar was standing proudly behind the machinery and watched as his master continued to strap down the sick turtle.

"Are you ready to talk yet?" Shredder growled as he pushed the last wire in the gender skin of Mikey. The little turtle only whimpered slightly and dropped his face to the side. Looking away from the Shredder. The table was cold and it made him shiver even more while sweat continued to trickle down his forehead.

And suddenly an electric current cursed through him. Mikey snapped his eyes open and opened his mouth to release an icy scream. The pained scream was filled with so much hurt and despair. His heart rate shot up and was rising dangerously. It was only a few seconds before Rahzar released the button but Mikey was already panting from exhaustion.

"Leo, it's ready" Donnie whispered but kept his eyes on the screen. Leo squeezed Donnie's shoulder as an indication he could start. They all took a deep breath, they had to be fast or it would only worsen the situation. And most likely kill Mikey. The heart rate was slowly returning back to normal and Mikey managed to control his breath again.

"Aren't you growing tired turtle? You want to end the suffering and the pain do you?" Shredder pushed. Leo and Raph both exchanged some glanced and unintentionally grabbed each other's hands. Leo swallowed heavily and opened his mouth.

**TMNT**

Searing pain was shooting through his body. His body was convulsing on the table, the restraints keeping him on his place. It was only a few seconds but it felt like hours. The electricity flowing through him and the scream that escaped his throat.

A few tears appeared in his eyes. His throat was dry from the lack of water and the screaming. He wanted it to over, he wanted to go home with his brothers. He just wanted it to end. He wanted to end his suffering but no matter what, he wouldn't give up his family.

"Aren't you growing tired turtle? You want to end the suffering and the pain do you?" The Shredder said in a low voice. Mikey just whimpered and kept his face to the side. And suddenly a familiar sound entered the room.

"Mikey, listen to me! It's Leo. Where are you?" Leo was speaking so fast, but made sure Mikey could understand it. Mikey's eyes shut open and raised his head slightly.

"L-Leo?" His voice was cracking and he felt so weak. Tears were streaming down his face. He didn't know he could be so happy hearing his brother's voice. But that didn't change the fact he didn't know. "I-I don't k-know" He cried and allowed his head to drop.

He didn't know where he was, and he didn't understand how Leo was able to talk to him. But he was there. He was hearing him. The sweet and caring voice of his older brother. And he felt so relieved hearing it.

"You made a wrong decision!" Shredder yelled dangerously and opened the camera. Mikey's eyes widened when he saw his three older brothers on the big screen and more tears made their way down his cheek. "You'll pay turtles" Shredder growled before pushing the electricity button.

He smirked when he saw the small turtle convulsing in pain again. His heart rate shot up again. His heart beating faster and faster by the minute. But he kept pushing the button. The heart rate kept rising and rising and Mikey kept screaming in pain. Louder and louder until his heart went flat and Mikey fell back on the table. Lifeless.

Shredder signed towards Rahzar and then the connection between the turtles was broken and they were unable to watch or listen. And only then did the Shredder release the button.

"Revive him, I don't want him to die" Shredder ordered. Rahzar simply obeyed and started doing CPR on the dead turtle. Hard compressions were forced on his chest and he even broke a few ribs in the process.

Shredder frowned. He had no idea how they managed to hack into his computer but he knew his plan had failed. Michelangelo now knew his brothers were watching and listening to him. And more importantly, he was sure they were looking for him.

A small smile made its way on Shredder's face. They were looking for him because they knew he was still alive. But now they didn't. And unwillingly he had created a new plan. A large gasp was heard from the small turtle and he whimpered slightly. His vision was blurry and his heart was aching badly.

The turtle was weak and just lay motionless on the table. His brothers voice kept ringing through his mind. They were looking for him, they would come. He just had to hold on a little more.

"Hello Michelangelo" Mikey whimpered slightly when hearing the voice again. He didn't like it at all. It wasn't his usual dark and threatening voice but this one was more sinister.

"D-Did they w-watch?" Mikey stuttered and closed his eyes. He couldn't look towards the Shredder.

"Yes, they watched all the times. They heard your screaming and they saw what I did to you, everything" Shredder confessed. Mikey only whimpered and dropped his head again. His heart was still badly aching and he had no idea why. "Why don't you tell me already? Your family won't come"

Mikey squeezed his eyes shut, forcing a few tears past them. "T-they w-will come" Mikey said, his voice was cracking. He felt light headed. His body was aching and shivering so badly. Everything was hurting. He was hungry, cold, thirsty, warm. He had stitches, gaping wounds and his right eye was bandaged. Restraining his sight greatly.

Shredder laughed loudly which made Mikey cower in fear. "They won't come dear Michelangelo, and do you know why?" Shredder laughed and brought his face closer to the crying turtle. "You died and they saw it. They think you're dead"

Mikey's eyes filled themselves with tears. This couldn't be true. The electricity, his aching heart. He couldn't. He just died, and his brothers saw all of it. They thought he was dead, gone. How was he ever going to get out of here? He would never be home again, never with his brothers again.

"And they will not come, when they think you're dead" Shredder smirked before Mikey passed out.

**TMNT **

**I'm so evil ^^ So they think Mikey's is dead but he isn't. And yea... how is he going to be rescued... :/ **

**Leave a review, it would make my day :3**


	7. Chapter 7

**~Here in the darkness I know myself  
>Can't break free until I let it go, let me go~<strong>

It wasn't real. It was like all the wind has been blown out of their chests. It couldn't be real, it just couldn't be. But somehow they knew it was. They all saw how Mikey's heart line went flat. They all saw his battered body falling limp onto the table. His lifeless expression. And they knew they had all failed to protect him and that their youngest brother was dead.

Donnie was a complete mess. Even minutes later he was still glued to the screen. Staring at it with wide eyes. As if he was waiting for the Shredder to show himself again. Presenting them his little brother. Alive and breathing. It was like he was waiting for something to happen. But even though he knew it wasn't true.

Even he had seen the way Mikey was writhing in pain and then suddenly dropped onto the table, lifeless. His heart line totally flat and his chest wasn't rising anymore. And it was all his fault. It was because of him Shredder killed him. It was because he was trying to hack into his computer. It was because he turned on the audio.

If he wouldn't have done that, then maybe Mikey would still be alive right now.

Leo had run off the second the screen went black. He was completely blind and he had no idea where he was going. He only knew he had to get out of there. The memories kept flashing right in front of him. Mikey screaming in pain. His body convulsing from the electricity. And not even seconds after that his lifeless body on the table.

Before everything went black and they had lost Mikey forever. He had promised so long ago that he would protect his brothers, but most importantly Mikey. He had sworn to die first. He would rather perish himself. He would sacrifice himself in order to protect him. And now he had failed him.

Raph was completely the opposite what you would expect. He was just so quiet when he saw what happened. The only reaction he ever gave was a slight yelp before he slit down against the wall. Drawing his knees up to his chest and hugging them with his arms.

He just kept staring right in front of him. Mumbling to himself. Only thinking of one thing: It was his fault. It was his fault Mikey ran away, his fault het got captured, his fault Shredder tortured him and his fault he was eventually killed.

They hadn't informed Splinter yet but from the reaction he could already guess. And he too noticed the loss of his youngest spirit. He could feel his sons around him, even Michelangelo. But the moment Leo stormed out of the lair the connection with his youngest faded. And he knew it was too late and he had failed to protect his son.

Just like he had done 15 years ago. He had sworn he would never have to experience the loss of a child again. He couldn't handle to lose another one. But when he lost the connection with Michelangelo he knew he was dead. Just like his daughter Miwa. But while Miwa was still alive, Michelangelo was completely dead and would never return to him.

**TMNT**

Punch after punch was inflicted upon his body. His whole body was starting to bruise and the stitches that were used to treat his wounds were torn again. His whole body was hurting but he tried to block it. The only thing he could think off was his family. They thought he was dead. And that meant only one thing, they wouldn't come for him anymore.

And that would mean he would stay in here forever, until he would die from all the beatings or just a natural dead. But they would never come. They saw him dying, and somehow he hoped he was. He would rather die than being with the Shredder any longer. But of course they wouldn't let him.

He had seen the smirk on Shredder's face when he told him his family thought was dead. He knew Shredder hoped that he would tell where his family was, knowing they would never come. But he wouldn't give up his family so easily.

"Your family won't come reptile. Just tell and we will let you go" Rahzar growled in his ears. Mikey winced slightly and tried to turn his head away. His hands twitched under the restraints holding him down and he winced again.

He was still on the same table as before. However the wires has been removed and he was now only being held down by leather straps around his wrists and ankles.

"Fuck y-you. I won't ever tell you. Especially now my family thinks I'm dead" He rasped out, trying to hold back his hurt. He knew it was unlikely to happen but he just hoped that by making it clear that he wasn't going to tell his location, especially when his family thought he was dead, Shredder would contact his family again.

And that was probably the only thing he could do. He was strapped down, bruised over his whole body. His right eye was slashed and bandaged. Several torn stitches were on his body just as various cuts. The burn marks were still on his green flash and they were burning so badly but that was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. His family thought he was dead. And while he had some hope before, this was all shattered right now.

"Tell me brat or you'll regret it" Rahzar said as he forcefully grabbed Mikey's right foot. The younger turtle whimpered slightly but kept his mouth sealed. When Rahzar noticed he wouldn't give in he twisted his ankle to the left, earning a loud crack.

Mikey's eyes shot open and he let out a long scream. "Stop" he whimpered as he fell back onto the table again. Panting and trying to shut out the pain in his broken foot. Rahzar growled lowly before twisting his foot to the right. Worsening the damage even more.

"Have it your way. Master Shredder will be back for you tomorrow anyways" Rahzar grinned as he dropped Mikey's foot onto the table again. Earning a loud cry from the young turtle. Rahzar laughed and then left the room. Leaving Mikey on the table all alone. He wanted to go home so badly. He just didn't know how. His brothers thought he was dead. How would they ever rescue him?

**Yes….how? **

**Suggestions are still welcome :D **


	8. Chapter 8

Rescue time :D oh and there's a drawing on my Deviantart page. Athese1. And if someone wants to draw something, feel free to do so ^^

**~There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight  
>I wanna hold you high and steal your pain~ <strong>

Shredder thought he had won, and in a way he had, but they weren't going to let that go. They had always sworn they would protect their younger brother, to preserve his innocence. And now they had failed, they would do anything to revenge him. Even if it meant risking their own lives.

All three of them were fully prepared to infiltrate the Shredder's lair and get back their baby brother. Even if it meant they weren't getting him back alive, it would allow Mikey to rest in peace. They would bury their brother so his spirit would be able to rest.

The last thing they could do for their little brother. Somehow they knew it was a bad idea, and Mikey wouldn't have liked it, but they were determined to do it anyways. They were fully prepared to avenge their little brother, even if it meant their own death.

It had been 3 hours until they were finally all united again. Leo had run off into the sewers and had cried there. Blaming himself for failing on Mikey. He kept seeing how Mikey's eyes filled with hurt when he heard his voice. And right after that how his heart went flat

Donnie had locked himself in his bedroom, but unlike Leo he didn't cry. He couldn't cry. He felt so empty inside. His only little brother had been slain, and he wasn't there to protect him. He was all alone all these days. Getting tortured every day, and now he was dead.

and in some way Donnie was relieved he was. He felt awful for thinking it but it was true. He knew he was in a better place now. Away from all the tortures and all the pain he was feeling. But on the other hand he wished he didn't. He wanted to wrap his arms around his little brother again, snap at him for interrupting him again. He wanted him running around the lair, laughing and smiling.

And right now he could never to that again. And he didn't deserve it. From all of them Mikey was the youngest and most innocent. He was always so carefree and he would never hurt anyone if it wasn't necessary. Let alone kill them. How much they hated it, they all had killed in their life, except for Mikey.

No matter how much he was hurt, no matter how threatened he was, he would always refuse to kill.

Raph was by far the worst. All these hours he just sat there. Every beat, every second and every sound was painful. His heart was painfully beating in his chest, guilt washing all over him. He could still see the hurt look on Mikey's face when he snapped at him, if he had just allowed Mikey to comfort him

Mikey would've never been captured, he would've never been tortured but most importantly, he would've never been dead. Electrocuted to death. And right now, all three of them were fully prepared to avenge his death.

"My sons, are you certain you want to do this?" Splinter asked with a frown. He didn't like the idea. His sons going to infiltrate the lair of their most hated enemy but from the determined looks on their faces he already knew their answer.

"Yes father, and I am sorry but we have to revenge him. And I know you can't come along and we don't blame you, but we have to do this" Leo said in a flat tone, trying to suppress the urge to cry. With quick movement he grabbed his katana's and placed them on his back. Both Raph and Donnie did the same with their weapons.

They were all packed with weapons and the Shell-raiser was still loaded with all kinds of weapons from their first attempt to find Mikey. Which eventually led to his death.

"I see" Splinter said in disbelieve. He knew he couldn't change their minds but he still didn't agree with it. He couldn't lose yet another son to the Shredder. He couldn't live with himself if they would be killed. But he knew his sons had to do this, for Michelangelo. And that it was something he couldn't interfere with.

"Don't worry father, we will get home, with Mikey" Leo said with a troubled look. They were determined to get Mikey but it felt so wrong to say it out loud. It was like they were suggesting they would bring him back for real, alive and uninjured.

Splinter just gave a last nod before they all took off, into the Shell-raiser. He was terrified with idea of losing more sons but he also knew he couldn't stop them. They were determined to save Michelangelo, and they wouldn't stop before they could avenge him and let the youngest rest in peace.

All the way they were silent. Nobody knew what to say, but none of them wanted to say something. They were all focusing on the task they had to do. Kill the Shredder and get Mikey back. They knew it would be dangerous and the changes of getting killed were huge, but they were willingly to try.

His spirit wouldn't be able to rest if it was still at the Shredder. It would never find peace and Mikey would never be able to 'fully die'.

"Everybody ready?" Leo asked when he placed the shell-raiser in an alley near the Shredder's lair. "We kill Shredder, grab Mikey and get out." Leo said in his leader tone and whipped his head around. His 2 little brothers both had determined looks on their faces but Leo could see through the masks. They were hurt and sad over the loss of their youngest brother, but they were willingly to do this.

"Let's do this" Donnie said coldly and grabbed his bo-staff with both hands. There were so many things that could go wrong. Footbots could show up, the Shredder himself could show up, Tiger claw, Rahzar, fish face. There were probably even mutants they didn't know about. And still they were fully prepared

Infiltrating the lair itself was surprisingly easy. Donnie managed to malfunction the security system and they easily slipped inside through the backdoor. Knocking down the 2 guards who were well.. guarding. Leo signed for them to go straight forwards when Raph suddenly froze.

"Guys…" He whispered drawing the attention of the other two. Raph shook his head wildly. Images of his youngest brother floating in front of him. He seemed so close. Almost as if he was… "Do ya feel tha too?"

Leo blinked a few times, not knowing where Raph was talking about but Donnie nodded weakly. "Mikey?" He questioned and Raph nodded this time.

"Guys, what are you talking about?" Leo hissed but none of his brothers answered. "Guys wait" He said as loud as he dared to as Raph and Donnie began to run down the long stairs. Leo sighed almost annoyed but followed his brothers soon after. The stairs led to a large hall which a lot of doors and they knew directly what it was, a dungeon.

"Guys…" Donnie's voice was soft and filled with hurt. Leo frowned slightly as he made his way over to Donnie. Unlike all the other cells, this one was open. Donnie was sitting in the middle of the room on his knees. Something laying in his hands.

Leo flinched when entering the room. It was cold and full of moisture. Blood was splattered all around the room and the scent of sweat was so strong it almost made Leo hurl. Raph was on his knees, his arms wrapped around Donnie's shaking body.

"Donnie?" Leo asked almost hesitantly. Donnie didn't respond and just continue to cry in Raph's hold. Leo frowned slightly and look around to be sure nobody was following him before walking over to his younger brother.

Leo gasped in horror when he realized what Donnie was holding. It was Mikey's mask. Torn apart and splattered with blood, his blood.

"M-Mikey. I-I really t-though…." Donnie sobbed and buried his head in further in Raph's neck. Raph pulled his sobbing brother closer to himself and buried his head too. Even allowing a few tears to escape his eyes. They couldn't imagine Mikey being in here. They couldn't believe he was in here all this time, in this dirty and cold room.

How alone he must have felt and how hurt he was.

"Donnie" Leo whispered and walked over to his crying siblings, wrapping an arm around Donnie too. "We have to go, find Shredder and grab Mikey. We can't stay too long" He whispered in his ears and kissed his temple.

Donnie sniffled slightly but nodded indicating he understood. He was devastated by the sight but he knew they had to carry on. If they wanted to take out Shredder they had to be fast. And every moment they would stay here would increase the change of getting caught. Slowly Donnie lifted himself up and wrapped Mikey's mask around his wrist.

As a last reminder of his only little brother. He glanced over to his older brothers and gave a small nod. Slowly they followed Leo outside the cell, being cautious not to be spotted by any guards but surprisingly there weren't any. They quickly ran along the halls until they saw a big door. The laugh of Shredder was clearly coming from there.

Leo moved over to the door and pressed his shell against it, signing for the rest to follow his order. "You guys ready?" He whispered to his younger brothers and grabbed one hilt of his katana's. Donnie grabbed his staff and Raph grabbed his sais in response. Remaining as silent as possible.

Leo nodded towards them before silently placing a hand on the door, ready to push it open when they heard a soft whimper from inside the room. All three of them froze when they recognized that sound. It was Mikey. But it couldn't be, he died. He died right in front of their eyes.

Another laugh from the Shredder, the sound of something hitting flesh and another cry from Mikey. Raph had no idea what was going on but within seconds he had kicked in the door and everyone froze.

Shredder was standing with his arms crossed next to Rahzar, a sinister smile on his face. Rahzar was standing next to Shredder. Holding a bloody whip and next to him was Mikey. Alive. He was on his knees. His hands tied together hoisting him up slightly. Whip marks were all across his body, blending in with countless other injuries. His head was low and the rope tied around his hands was the only thing keeping him up.

His eye was partly opened while his right eye was still bandaged, blood clearly seeping through. His green skin was deadly pale and the worst cuts were torn, swollen and infected. Mikey's head kept low and it was like he didn't even acknowledge his brothers.

"Mikey!" Donnie screamed and jumped towards his little brother, kicking Rahzar hard on his way. Rahzar growled and hit the wall hard. He twitched slightly before slipping into consciousness. The crack in his neck wasn't really hard to miss but nobody cared to even notice.

Donnie cried out when he saw Shredder charging in on him but he was quickly knocked away by Raph. Leo in the meantime charged in on the Shredder himself. The two of them fighting with each other. Donnie swallowed heavily and ran over to Mikey. Slowly the injured turtle lifted his head.

"D-do..nnie?" He stuttered with a weak voice. Donnie fell to the ground and lifted his little brother up slightly, taking the weight off his broken foot. In the meantime Raph untied his hands and slowly lowered him into Donnie's hold.

"I-I t-thought… y'you….. you c-came" Mikey whispered as a weak smile made its way over Mikey's face. Both Raph and Donnie had tears rolling over their faces. Donnie slowly stroked Mikey with his thumb. His brother was still alive, he didn't know how but he was alive. In his arms.

"Pathetic turtles!" Shredder screamed as he stabbed Leo right through the shoulder. Leo cried out in pain and was thrown across the room. Landing on the ground with a soft thud, next to Raph.

"Leo!" Raph cried out before standing defensively in front of his siblings. Charging in on the Shredder himself. "Donnie get Mikey outta here! I'll hold 'em off" Raph yelled back as he deflected another attack from the Shredder.

"You won't go anywhere" Splinter growled and kicked Raph hard across the chest. Sending him towards the ground. Raph grunted and curled up in a ball. Clutching his plastron. Splinter laughed and wanted to turn around when he felt something around his leg. Looking down he saw Raph with his arms folded around Shredder's leg.

"Pathetic" Shredder growled and grabbed Raph by his neck. Squeezing and choking him. Leo and Donnie both cried in protest but Raph shook his head wildly.

"Go!" He snapped dangerously. "Save Mikey, I'll be okay" Just then a door on the other side of the room open and 10 footbots came in, running towards their master. Shredder smirked and threw Raph right into the footbots. Shredder smiled at his victory but that quickly faded when he saw how fast Raph was taking down his army. Completely trashing it.

"That's it!" He growled when Raph tore down the last footbot and drew his blades. Charging in on the red banded turtle. Using unbelievable agility Raph managed to duck under his legs and began to sprint towards his brothers, who were just outside the room right now. He jumped out the room and Leo in response closed the door as fast as he could, locking in from the outside with his katana.

Raph stood there panting but they knew they had to keep moving. "We have to move, they will break through eventually" Leo ordered as he painfully pressed his own bandana against the wound on his shoulder.

Donnie cradled Mikey a little bit closer to his plastron. Mikey whimpered slightly and struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Let's go" Raph grunted holding his chest painfully before running through the halls again. Leo and Donnie following closely. They quickly ran out of Shredder's lair. Lucky that they didn't encounter any more allies. Leo, Raph and Donnie all made their way over to the Shell-raiser, Mikey in Donnie's arms. Alive.

***Fangirl* **


	9. Chapter 9

Alright I got a lot of comments about the location of the Shredder, and for some reason I forgot to mention how they did get his location so I'll go into that this chapter.

Oh and some injury details in it.

**~Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
>until you find it there and lead it back home~<strong>

As soon as everyone was settled inside the Shell-raiser they took off as fast as possible. Raph was driving for once since Leo was unable to drive with his damaged arm. It wasn't very serious but he had to keep pressure on the wound to prevent bleeding out.

Raph had driven a couple of times before, and it would be an understatement to say that didn't end very well. But right now, he didn't even try to go over the speed limit, drive dangerously or do anything for fun. His only task was bringing his little brother home as quickly as possible.

Donnie was in the back of the Shell-raiser. Mikey cradled against his chest trying to determine his worst injuries.

Leo was sitting as close as possible. Clutching his shoulder wound with his mask since Donnie didn't have time to treat his wounds just yet. Being busy with his only little brother.

Mikey would whimper every turn and every stop Raph would make, even though he would be as gentle as possible. He was in pain, they all knew it and Donnie was trying to treat his injuries the best he could. The worst cuts had to be stitches and disinfected, something he couldn't do in the shell-raiser. And neither could Donnie treat his eye.

They honestly had no idea how his eye must be looking but they also weren't sure if they wanted to find out. The small and the large cuts were still infected. They were swollen, red and some were even filled with pus. But this was also something Donnie couldn't treat right now.

Donnie had managed to treat his burn wounds and wrap them in bandages, and had manage to splint his right ankle. Which had been broken by Rahzar.

"Alright Mikey, t-this is all I can do for you right now" Donnie stated as he checked Mikey for more obvious injuries and looked over to his baby brother. Mikey was flat on his shell, his face damaged and swollen but smiling weakly.

"T-Thanks" Mikey whispered in a weak and hoarse tone and closed his eyes when another wave of pain hit him. His eyes began to water but he bit them back and continued to smile at his older brother. Slowly his undamaged eye trailed towards Leo. "I-I'm glad… y-you came" He rasped out with a painful voice.

"Of course we would! W-We thought you were d-dead" Donnie exclaimed as his own eyes began to fill itself with tears too. Mikey wanted to open his mouth but another wave of pain hit him and he groaned softly. Slowly his eyes began to close again.

"Hold on a little longer Mikey, just don't fall asleep. Sensei knows we're coming. You want to see him right?" Leo encouraged his little brother. He could possibly have a concussion or worse so falling asleep would be very dangerous right now.

"Hurts" He whispered and fluttered his eyes open again. Leo's face switched and he kneeled next to Mikey's body. Resting a comfortable hand on his uninjured shoulder.

"I know little brother. Just a little longer, we're almost there" Leo said soothingly and sat down next to Mikey. Slowly stroking his fact. Mikey smiled slightly and dropped his head to the side. Wanting to feel Leo's touch as much as possible.

For the rest of the ride they couldn't do anything. Leo had already texted his sensei and April. April had some basic medical knowledge and could help treating Mikey. Leo didn't dare to look at his phone after texting it. He wanted to focus on Mikey as much as possible, being able to help if necessary.

"G-gu…" Mikey whispered but was unable to finish his word as he doubled over, gasping for air. Donnie was immediately at his side, trying to determine what was going on. Mikey let out a startled scream and desperately rolled on his shell, opening his mouth continuously trying to get the air he needed. He could hear his brothers screaming around him but he couldn't make out the words.

Just seconds later they arrived in front of the lair. Donnie immediately jumped up and hovered Mikey up as fast as possible. Raph opened the door and allowed Donnie to run outside. Splinter was already standing next to the shell-raiser, a troubled look on his face.

"Sensei, can you please look after Leo and Raph?" Donnie shouted distressed as he began to run towards the infirmary. Mikey was convulsing in his arms and kept gasping for arm. His arms were clutched to his chest and his eye was squeezed shut.

"April grab an oxygen mask please!" Donnie immediately ordered when he stormed into the infirmary, seeing April was already in the infirmary. April immediately jolted up when Donnie came in, carrying a convulsing Mikey and rushed towards the drawers for an oxygen mask.

"Mikey listen to me. Slow breaths please" Donnie whispered in Mikey's ears as he placed Mikey on the infirmary bed. Slowly Mikey forced his eye open and looked desperately over to Donnie. In the meantime April had already rushed over to him and handed Donnie the oxygen mask.

"Don't worry Mikey, this will help you breath" Donnie informed distressed as he slipped the mask over his face. Mikey shut his eyes again as he took a long deep breath, followed by a few others. Slowly he managed to get his breathing under control and opened his eyes again. Smiling weakly towards his older brother.

Donnie smiled back as he carefully injected the iv into Mikey's underarm. Giving him a strong sedative to ease the pain.

"What happened Donnie?" April whispered as she took Mikey's limp hand. The injured turtle dropped his head to the right and smiled towards April.

"He had a panic attack, I suppose from his injuries" Donnie explained sadly as he came over to the two with all different kinds of medical equipment. "Alright Mikey, I'm going to look at your eye okay?" Donnie said as he placed the right instruments on the bed.

Mikey nodded slightly before Donnie carefully began to peel away the bandages around his eye. Mikey whimpered slightly and shut his good eye closed as Donnie slowly took off the last layer of bandages. Both Donnie and April gasped when seeing the actual wound on his eye.

"W-what's wrong?" Mikey whispered from under breathing mask. Donnie and April exchanged some glanced before April slowly picked up a mirror. And this time it was Mikey who gasped. Above his eyes were 2 slash marks from Shredder's gauntlet.

The lines were diagonal. One nearly nicking his right eye and one going straight across it. The cuts were swollen but luckily they weren't infected. Dried blood was on top of the slash marks and also staining his right eye. Forcing him to shut it.

"April can you get some warm water?" Donnie whispered as he carefully touched the lines. Mikey let out a painful whimper and unintentionally turned his head to the right. April nodded slightly and left the infirmary to get some warm water. In the meantime Donnie grabbed a small scissor and began to cut away the torn stitches around the various cuts. Unable to treat Mikey's eye for now.

Mikey's head was dropped to the side as he allowed Donnie to clean the cuts. His body felt numb from everything that happened and the painkillers were slowly kicking in. And despite the pain he was perfectly happy. He thought he would never get home again.

But the moment his brothers stormed inside the room while he was getting whipped, it gave him hope again. And when they finally got out of Shredder's lair Mikey was sure he would come home again, with his family.

"How d-did you find me?" Mikey whispered as Donnie began to pinch his skin with the first stitch.

"When we managed to turn on the audio the whole firewall that was blocking us from hacking his computer went over to that problem, I don't know what I did, or why but somehow I managed to get the location" Donnie explained as easy as he could. Mikey just slowly nodded and whimpered slightly when Donnie began to pull the stitched together.

Carefully he began to wrap the stitched cuts in fresh bandages and made sure they weren't too tight. Mikey gave a weak smile before April walked in, carrying a bowl of warm water.

"Sensei is asking if you need any help" April said in a quiet tone when she placed the bowl of warm water on Donnie's desk.

"That won't be necessary if you could assist me, too many people around him wouldn't be good anyways" Donnie explained as he dipped a cloth in the warm water and carefully placed in on Mikey's damaged eye. Mikey whimpered slightly but remained silent.

"Of course I will" April said sternly but remained calm. "Just tell me what to do"

"Alright, I have to stitch his eye so can you hold his head for me. Like this" Donnie explained as he placed his hands on Mikey's right and left temple. April nodded and placed her hands just like Donnie explained. Mikey gave a soft cry but forced himself to relax afterwards.

Donnie gathered the right materials to stitch his eye and placed them all on his table. Slowly he removed the cloth from Mikey's eye and smiled slightly when he saw most of the blood had vanished already. It would only hurt more if he had to wash it away in another way.

"Alright Mikey, I have to remove the breathing mask for a while but just stay calm and tell when I have to stop okay?" Donnie said. Mikey nodded weakly and closed his eyes again. Showing the full extent of his eye injury. Carefully not to touch the wound Donnie removed the oxygen mask from Mikey's face and began to disinfect the wounds over his eyes.

Mikey kept his eyes squeezed shut when Donnie made the first stitch and April kept a hold of his head. Whispering assuring words in his ear as Donnie continued to stitch the first slash. When that was done Mikey was already shaking uncontrollably and slowly crying. Donnie wanted to stop so badly but he knew he had to continue otherwise Mikey could probably lose his eye due to infection.

"You're doing very good Mikey. This is the last one" April whispered in his ear and began to rub the side of his head with her thumb. Mikey mumbled something and with a shaky hand tried to reach April's hand. The red haired teen smiled slightly and took a hold of Mikey's hand. Slowly stroking it and being careful not to press the bruises too much.

Mikey nodded slightly before closing his eyes as Donnie began to work on the second and last cut. The one which runs over his right eye. The part over the head was just as the last one, unpleasant but bearable. The part that ran over his eye was something different. The skin on the eye was way too tender to stitch so Donnie had to use butterfly stitches to hold it together.

After that he bandaged his right eye again to make sure Mikey's eye was closed the whole time so he wouldn't pull the stitches and to prevent any infection. After that he carefully slipped the oxygen mask over his face again.

"That's all I can do" Donnie said after wrapping his eye with some bandages and stepped back. The burn wounds were already treated, the cuts were stitched and his eye was also stitched and bandaged. His broken ankle was splinted and the whip marks were also disinfected but were too small to bandage.

"So what now?" April whispered and signed towards the sleepy form of Mikey. His eye was closed and his chest was slowly falling and rising. April was slowly stroking Mikey's forehead but was looking towards Donnie.

"I think it is best if we place him in his own bed, so he can be comfortable" Donnie gestured and went over to his little brother. He knew Mikey was exhausted and treating his injuries had finally taken his toll on the small turtle.

"What about his fever?" April frowned and placed her own hand on Mikey's forehead. It was warm but not life threatening and she knew it was because of the infection because of the cuts.

"There is an antibiotic inside the morphine. If we keep a close eye on his fever he will be okay" Donnie explained. "Can you help with moving his iv stand?"

April nodded a bit hesitantly and carefully placed Mikey's head on the table. She stood up and gestured Donnie to pick up Mikey while she went over the iv stand that provided Mikey with the painkillers and the antibiotics.

Donnie slowly approached Mikey and hovered him up bridal style, trying not to jostle his injuries too much. Mikey moaned slightly in his sleep but stayed lifeless in Donnie's arms. Looking over to April to see if she was ready he began to walk outside the infirmary. Donnie's face was in a grimace. He hated how his baby brother felt in his arms.

He had carried him towards his room so many times in his life but he would always stir or say something in his sleep. But right now he was completely quiet and he wasn't even twitching.

The living room was surprisingly abandoned but Donnie figured the rest would be in the dojo or somewhere else. Splinter was most likely treating his older brothers' injuries as Donnie had asked. And maybe he was gratefully they weren't here. Mikey looked terrible with all those bandages and bruises. And he hated that he would have scars for the rest of his life.

He glanced over to April slightly to see if she was still holding up and nodded towards her as he saw she was. Still holding the iv stand in her arms. Donnie's eyes focused on the sleeping turtle in his arms again. Trailing his eyes over the various bandages and bruises on his body. Shredder had done so much to him. Hurt him so much both emotionally and physically. Donnie just hoped Mikey could pull through.

Mikey's room was just as messy as always but for once Donnie ignored it and went straight over to Mikey's bed. April lifted the covers for him and Donnie lowered Mikey on the bed. He carefully positioned the iv stand and tugged Mikey in the best he could. So he wouldn't accidently rip out the iv tube in his sleep.

"I'm glad you're back little bro" Donnie whispered and planted a kiss on his bruised face before leaving the room.


	10. Chapter 10

**~I cannot hide what's on my mind  
>I feel it burning deep inside<br>A passion crime to take what's mine~**

When Donnie walked into the dojo he was very surprised seeing 3 pairs of eyes looking at him. Sure he knew his family was in the dojo but he thought they would be sleeping right now, or do something else instead of waiting for him, and he knew they had. Leo had a tight bandage around his shoulder where Shredder had stabbed him.

Raph's torso was wrapped in some kind of brace which they would use for broken or bruised ribs. He just hoped they weren't broken and that they weren't too badly injured.

"My son, how is Michelangelo?" Splinter asked when Donnie entered the room. Donnie glanced up slightly and then walked over to his brothers. Sitting next to them on the ground. "My son?" Splinter obligated when Donnie didn't answer, worry filling him.

"He's going to be okay" Donnie cracked and lifted his head slightly. "He's not in any danger, we just have to watch his fever from the infection."

"Can you tell me the full extent of his injuries?" Donnie closed his eyes for a few seconds. He could practically feel the eyes of his brothers burn into his shell. He swallowed heavily and took a few seconds to respond. It pained him to talk about his little brother like this. They had just found out he was still alive and right now he was severely wounded in his own bed.

"He had burn wounds all over his body, Several cuts that required stitches from which some are infected, bruises and scrapes all over his body, His right ankle is broken and he has whip marks on his whole body. He had a slight fever and his right eye is slashed" Donnie said with a pained expression. It was just so much.

Mikey was hurting so much and yet he was determined not to tell anything. Even after everything he went through he wasn't telling anything. He would rather suffer than to betray his family.

"You did good my son, do you know what happened after…. The connection was cut off?" Splinter asked and nodded in approval. But even so you could hear the hurt in his voice as he spoke about his youngest son.

"I really have no idea Sensei but I found heavy bruises on his plastron" Donnie gestured. "I think he was revived" Donnie bowed his head again. It was actually so simple when they thought of it. Mikey being 'killed' to get him talk. And they almost gave him up. They almost left him there for the rest of his life.

"We will see when Michelangelo wakes up, you are accused for today" Splinter said and walked to his own room. Slowly he closed his curtain, leaving his 3 other sons alone in the dojo.

"C-Can we see him?" Raph whispered. Donnie frowned slightly and looked towards his older brother. The mostly tough turtle was looking so… defeated. And so hurt. And he knew why. He felt guilty for what he had done. He thought it was his fault Mikey got captured.

Slowly Donnie nodded and stood up. His brothers followed when he walked to his little brother's room. It was all so weird. Just a few hours ago they were getting ready to save their dead brother, and right now he was back. Hurt but alive.

Silently he opened the door and looked inside the room. It was exactly as he had left it. Mikey was lifelessly laying on his bed. An IV sticking out of his armpit, a breathing mask on his face and his eye bandaged. And under the covers there were even more bandages.

April was still sitting next to him, holding his hand trying to help him in any way she could. There was a bucket of cold water next to her and April would occasionally use it to cool Mikey's forehead down.

"Hey Donnie" April whispered when she noticed Donnie entering but kept her eyes glued to the unconscious mutant in front of her. He looked so small wrapped in all those bandages. He was sweating slightly and he had a pained expression on his face.

"How's he doing?" Donnie shrugged as he entered Mikey's room and sat down on the other side of the bed. Grabbing Mikey's free hand. He felt so cold and still he was sweating. April smiled slightly when she saw Leo and Raph standing in the door and stood up.

"Still the same." She said as she passed Leo and Raph. "He'll be okay" She said before completely leaving. This wasn't her time to be with Mikey. They had to be alone with their brother, as a family.

"Oh Mikey" Leo whispered as he hurried towards his baby brother. He had seen Mikey when they rescued him but right now he looked so hurt and almost dead. His usual baby blue eyes were closed and his green skin was dull. His eye was still bandaged and he was horrified what was under it.

Carefully not to jostle the IV sticking out of his arm he took his hand and slowly began to stroke it. Whispering words to his little brother. Tears were silently dripping down his eyes and even Donnie was crying.

The only one who hadn't reacted was Raph. He just stood there in the doorpost. His eyes wide with disbelieve and trembling slightly. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Of course, he knew he was alive, he knew he was hurt but he just couldn't believe it. He saw him dying, Mikey died right in front of them.

"I just can't believe Shredder would do all of this" Leo whispered in disbelieve as he ran his fingers along the numerous bruises.

"I do" Raph said in a low voice but stayed in front of the door. "Never mind" Raph growled lowly when he saw 2 pair of eyes staring at him. His own eyes trailed towards the broken figure of his little brother again. Every cut, every burn, every bruise, it was all his fault. He snapped at him. He told him to leave.

He was just so mad because he had just lost Spike, and right now he had almost lost a brother.

"I …can't" Raph whispered and then turned around. It was all his fault, every bruise, every tear, every cut, all his fault. Mikey hated him, he knew Mikey did. He caused all of his pain, all the suffering, he hated him. Mikey must be hating him.

He couldn't stand seeing him lifeless like this. So hurt and wounded. Donnie told he'd be okay, that he would live. But he didn't talk about the physical consequences, not to speak of the mental. His right eye was viciously slashed and there would always be a scar. There would always be a reminder what he had caused. What suffering he had brought to his little brother.

But most importantly, the slash would always be a reminder for Mikey. For the rest of his life he had to walk around with scars around his body. Reminding him of the time he was captured, tortured and killed. If he would ever walk again. He would be so scared. What the Shredder did to him was cruel, not imaginable.

And he caused all of his suffering. He was the reason of all his pain, Mikey hated him. He stormed into his room and threw himself onto the bed, and for the first time in so long he cried himself to sleep.

Poor Raphie….


	11. Chapter 11

**~Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.  
>Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.~<strong>

Raph growled slightly when a loud scream erupted through the whole lair and it took him a few seconds before realizing what it was. It was Mikey. As fast as he could he jumped from his bed and rushed outside his room just as another scream erupted from Mikey's room.

"Mikey calm down!" He could hear Leo scream but Mikey continued to scream in fear. Raph stared with wide eyes when he ran into the room. Mikey was twisting and turning in his bed. His eyes were wide open and every second a scream of pain and terror would escape his lips.

The needle from the IV was carelessly thrown onto the ground and his breathing mask lay next to it. His face was in a grimace of pain but he still kept struggling against his brothers. Leo and Don were doing everything they could to cease Mikey but nothing seemed to work. He kept screaming and slowly he started crying.

"Let me go, please" He pleaded and kept kicking as much as he could. But Leo and Donnie didn't give in and kept pinning him down, ignoring the pleads of their wounded brother.

"Mikey calm down!" Raph shouted as Mikey somehow managed to push Leo away. Raph jumped towards Mikey as fast as he could and lifted his upper body without trying to hurt him. "It's okay" He soothed and pressed Mikey's head against his plastron, engulfing him in a strong hug. Mikey kept struggling against him and was still trying to break free but Raph kept holding him tight.

"Please" Mikey sobbed as his movements slowly stopped and he fully leaned against Raph's plastron. "I don't want to be alone" Mikey whispered in a soft voice and buried his face in Raph's plastron. Raph gave a deep sigh.

"Yer not alone, not anymore" Raph whispered and carefully began to rub Mikey's arms to calm him down. Carefully not to hurt him any more he planted a kiss on Mikey's temple. "Not anymore" He stated again and slowly pushed Mikey to the side and went into the bed himself. He sat down with his shell against the wall and allowed Mikey to lean against him.

Raph smiled slightly when Mikey curled up against him and almost peacefully nuzzled against him. He watched over to Donnie and gave a slight nod when he picked up the IV and was already starting to get a clean needle.

"Listen Mikey, Donnie is going ta give ya the IV" Raph said in a calm voice and gently grabbed Mikey's left arm, showing it to Donnie. Mikey whimpered slightly but nodded. His free hand kept holding Raph's hand and he kept his face hidden in Raph's plastron while Donnie slowly inserted the IV in his armpit.

"There ya go" Raph grinned and took the breathing mask from Donnie and pushed it onto Mikey's face himself. "Ya wanna talk about it?" Raph asked after Mikey got his breathing under control again but Mikey shook his head. Slowly his shoulders began to shake and Raph felt the hot tears staining his plastron.

"You want ma to stay with ya?" This time Mikey nodded. Raph smiled despite the situation and pulled the blanket over Mikey's shivering body. Raph shifted slightly so he too was laying on his shell with Mikey's head on his arm. Mikey turned and tossed to find a comfortable position despite his injuries and eventually passed out from exhaustion.

Raph looked up to Donnie and Leo and gave a short nod to indicate it was okay. Both Donnie and Leo nodded too and then hesitantly left the room. When the door was fully closed Raph curled up against his little brother too and pulled the blanket fully up to their shoulders. Mikey mumbled something in his sleep and a small smile spread among his face.

He felt comfortable with Raph, he could never hate him but Raph didn't know that. And when he was sure Donnie and Leo were out of range he slowly opened his mouth.

"Why don't ya hate me Mikey?"

**TMNT**

The next morning Raph woke up when he felt something poking his shoulder. "Raphie?" Mikey whispered and poked him another time before Raph finally opened his eyes. Raph stirred slightly and turned to his side to look at Mikey.

"Hey Mikey" Raph whispered and sat straight up. Looking over to Mikey. His little brother was curled up against him and he was looking with his single eye towards him. "What's wrong?" Raph frowned when he saw the look in his eye.

"I'm thirsty, and hungry"' He whispered and pouted slightly. Raph let out a short laugh and quickly slipped out of bed when a hand stopped him. "D-Don't leave me" Mikey whispered and a few tears formed in his eye.

"I'll be right back" Raph still whispered but Mikey was determined not to let go.

"P-Please, y-you said you would s-stay" Mikey whispered and tightened the grip on Raph's wrist. Raph's face shifted when he saw the scared, yet determined look in Mikey's eye. Raph slowly grabbed Mikey's hand and untangled it from his wrist, giving it a quick kiss.

"I'll call Leo or Don." He whispered and then quickly jumped off the bed and opened the door. "LEO! DON!" He shouted though the hall and immediately returned. Mikey was now silently crying and Raph was unsure it was because he left, or because he shouted.

"Easy Knucklehead" Raph mumbled and climbed on Mikey's bed again, allowing him to rest on his plastron again. Seconds later Donnie and Leo both stormed in, afraid something might have happened to Mikey in his sleep. But saw he was perfectly happy in Raph's arms.

"What's wrong?" Donnie asked alarmed and went over to Mikey, checking his oxygen supply and IV for any complications but soon found there were soon.

"Easy Don, He's hungry and thirsty but he doesn't want ma ta leave" Raph informed Donnie.

"I'm sorry" Mikey squeaked feeling guilty for calling all his brothers. Raph frowned and turned towards Mikey. He grabbed his head and forced Mikey to look into his eyes. Unlike any other time they were now full of concern and there was absolutely no sign of anger.

"Don't be, ya did nothin' wrong" Raph assured him and planted a kiss on his forehead, only to pull back immediately. "shell Mikey, yer burning up! Don!" Raph shouted alarmed and placed his hand on Mikey's forehead. There was no doubt he was developing a fever.

"Let me check" Donnie said in a fast tone and Raph allowed Donnie to place a hand on Mikey's forehead. "Leo fill the tub with cold water, we have to bring his fever down now!" Donnie shouted alarmed when he felt how dangerously high Mikey's temperature was. Leo immediately nodded and left the room to the bathroom.

"Is that possible with the stitches?" Raph frowned as he helped Donnie with untangling Mikey from the covers while Mikey just lay there completely lifeless.

"They are waterproof, can you carry him?" Donnie said quickly and removed Mikey's breathing mask and IV so Raph could carry him without any problem. They weren't really necessary but they were just to be sure. Raph nodded and picked Mikey up bridal style. The little turtle whined slightly at the sudden movement but shut his mouth when he recognized his older brother carrying him.

"Is he going to be okay?" Raph whispered when they made their way over to the bedroom. Mikey had his head pressed against Raph's plastron and had his eye closed.

"His fever isn't life-threatening but it will be if we don't bring his fever down, and his injuries only worsen it" Donnie said with a pained expression. When they got to the bathroom Leo had already filled the tub and they immediately placed Mikey in the tub. The wounded turtle cried out when he touched the cold water but after that he relaxed.

It wasn't too cold but it was enough to bring his fever down. "Raph can you hold him for me? He isn't strong enough to support himself" Donnie obligated. Mikey pouted in response but eventually had to admit he really was. Raph nodded and pushed Mikey forward slightly and sat behind Mikey in the tub. He winced slightly at the cold water but pushed the thought away.

Mikey sighed as Raph gently pushed his little brother against his plastron, so Mikey was leaning with his shell against Raph's plastron.

"I love you Raphie" Mikey whispered and fully leaned against his older brother, completely ignoring his other brothers who were busy around him to stabilize his fever. Raph grinned and folded his arms around his younger brother, trying not to touch his bandages and worst bruises and nuzzled his face in Mikey's shoulder.

"I love ya too Bonehead"

**:3 **


	12. Chapter 12

**~Crack bones with blind aggression,  
>Like birds whose wings are broken,<br>You live without direction~**

Eventually Mikey's temperature was regulated well enough for him to get out of the bath so they carefully got him out of the tub and began to dry him off. Being careful not to pull the stitches or anything. And despite their careful treatment Mikey kept whimpering in pain.

"I'm cold" Mikey whimpered and shivered slightly. Raph grinned and handed him a thick blanket to keep him warm. Mikey pouted slightly but dropped the act and gratefully accepted the blanket while his brothers finished drying him off.

"Good" Raph laughed and carefully rubbed his head. Mikey smiled slightly and tried to wrap himself up in the blanket but stopped when he accidently strained his arm too much. He let out a small cry of pain and dropped the blanket. "Easy Mikey" Raph said concerned and picked up the blanket to wrap it around his body himself.

"Yeah.." Mikey whispered and looked away, trailing his fingers along the long stitched wound on his arm. Raph's face dropped when he saw what Mikey was doing and gently grabbed his hands, so he couldn't reach his wounds anymore. Mikey sniffled slightly and looked up to Raph, his baby blue eye beginning to water.

"My foot…." He whispered just when Raph decided to say something. He wasn't ready to be confronted yet, he just wanted to forget about what happened. Raph sighed slightly but then nodded, lifting Mikey up bridal style. Even though Mikey's broken foot was in a walking brace it still hurt, and they didn't blame him for that.

"Let's get ya something to eat" Raph insisted and brought him towards the couch. He propped up the pillow for him and laid Mikey down. The injured turtle sniffled slightly and shifted to find a comfortable without straining his injuries.

"Don't leave please" Mikey whispered and grabbed Raph's wrist in response. Raph turned towards Mikey and frowned slightly.

"Why don't you just hate me Mikey?" He whispered and stared at Mikey's hands. Practically the only part of his body that wasn't covered in stitches, bruises or cuts. Mikey stared at him with a confused look. "I mean, it was ma fault ya ran away and…."

Raph wanted to say something more but Mikey placed his tiny hand on Raph mouth. "I don't blame you, I never could." Mikey whispered before dropping his arm again. His arm was now throbbing from the small movement and he cringed slightly.

"But I blew ya off… ya ran away because…." And again Mikey cut him off.

"Because I choose to, I ran away because I wanted to, not because you chased me away. I don't blame you and I never did" Mikey stated and gave Raph a small smile. Raph smiled back and carefully wrapped his arms around his little brother. Squeezing him as hard as he dared to. Mikey happily burrowed his face in Raph's neck.

Raph smiled, he really did have a big heart. Mikey never could blame anyone too long, not his brothers or family at least. He was always the one to forgive someone and find the good in someone. Even when they were the ones to hurt him.

He was always good with emotions and judging people, that's why he was the only one who could calm Raph down when he would lose control again, that's why he was the only one who could drag Donnie out of his lab when he was working too hard and too long. He was the only one to force Leo to rest when he was training to hard.

And he would always care about his family, and then himself. He would make sure they were happy and that they would stay together. Raph smiled and tightened his grip on Mikey until a short cough interrupted them.

"That's adorable" Donnie grinned and placed a plate of food next to Mikey. Raph grinned sheepishly and pulled out of the hug. The blanket Mikey had used to keep warm had fallen off his shoulders but Mikey didn't seem to notice and nodded towards Donnie before fixing his eye on the plate again. His stomach was protesting because he was so hungry but somehow he didn't want to eat.

He gave a swallow grin as he slowly picked up the pieces of fruit. He didn't want to eat but he had to try at least, this would be the first 'real' meal since he was home again. His stomach was making turns and he suddenly felt really sick. "You okay Mikey?" Donnie frowned when he saw Mikey turning pale.

"I…can't" Mikey stuttered and placed the fruit on the plate again. He shuddered and gave the plate a slight push. His eye began to water and he wrapped himself up in the blanket again.

"C'mon kid, ya have to eat somethin'" Raph frowned and took Mikey's hand again. "Do I have ta get somethin' else?" He added and stared in Mikey's eye. The injured turtle sniffled and looked away. He didn't like the way Raph was looking at him, at his eye. It only reminded him in which state he was, and his eye.

"I know but i…. I just c-can't" Mikey whispered. Donnie's face flushed and he sat down next to Mikey, shoving his plate away. "I know what you are going to say but I j-just can't, you don't know what he made me eat" The last thing came out as a whisper. Tears were now falling from his eyes and his shoulders began to shake heavily.

"it's okay" Donnie whispered and engulfed Mikey in a big hug, pressing Mikey's head against his plastron. "You're save, we won't let anything happen to you" He continued and pressed a kiss on Mikey's head.

"I-I didn't m-mean to, I'm s-sorry" Mikey cried and buried his head in Donnie's plastron. Leo, Raph and Donnie all frowned upon the statement as Mikey continued to cry.

"What did he make you eat Mikey?" Donnie whispered as soft as he could but kept holding Mikey. The young turtle sniffled in his chest and tried to wipe away his tears but they kept coming. "Hush, you're save Mikey. We will protect you" Donnie said, gesturing to Leo and Raph. Mikey nodded slightly and wiped away his tears again but again new ones came.

"What did he make you eat?" Donnie obligated in a soft tone and helped Mikey wiping his tears away. Mikey grabbed Donnie's hand and squeezed it slightly. Donnie was trying to look into his little brother's eye but Mikey kept looking away.

"I-I didn't mean to" Mikey repeated and a single tears rolled over his cheek again but he wiped it away as soon as it escaped his eye. Donnie frowned but decided not to push it anymore and just waited before Mikey was ready to talk.

"H-he…. He m-made me eat t-…..t-turtles"

**Well that's just cruel :/**


	13. Chapter 13

**~These wounds won't seem to heal**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase~**

"I'm s-sorry, I d-didn't m-mean to" Mikey cried out and instantly buried his face deeper into Donnie's plastron. Donnie could only return the hug and tried to calm down as much as he could. Slowly he began to rub Mikey's shell, waiting for him to finally calm down enough to talk.

"Listen Mikey, we don't blame you. it was Shredder who made you eat them" Donnie tried but Mikey didn't seem to listen. Donnie sighed and tightened the grip on Mikey. "Hush Mikey, I'm here" He soothed and continued to rub his shell.

"Leonardo, what happened?" The voice of Master Splinter cut in as he joined his sons in the living room. Only to find his two youngest hugging and his youngest crying. Raphael was still at Mikey's side and Leonardo was guarding them with a pained expression.

"They did something awful Sensei" Leo whispered and tried to keep the hurt out of his voice. Slowly he looked over to his sensei, to reveal his own eyes filled with tears. "They made him eat t-turtles Sensei" His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke that horrible sentence.

Tears were now slowly rolling over his check. He just couldn't believe how awful that must've been for Mikey, eating a turtle to stay alive. It was like eating a human in order to survive.

Sensei had completely the same reaction as they did. His eyes were wide and his face was filled with sorrow and hurt. Hurt for his youngest son, who was forced to eat his own kind to survive. He knew they were practically human. They walked, talked, breathed and lived like a human but they still had their turtle sides.

They were still coldblooded. They still carried around a shell, a plastron and even a tail. And no matter how much they were human, they were still turtles. And eating other turtle's was easily considered eating the same species. Like a human eating a human.

"My son" Splinter whispered and walked over to his crying son. Mikey sobbed before pulling out of his hug with Donnie and held out his arms. Wanting his father to pick him up. "It is alright Michelangelo" Splinter soothed and for the first time in so long Splinter picked up one of his sons like he did when they were young.

He supported him by letting him rest on one arm, and pressed Mikey against his fur by holding his shell. Mikey sniffled and borrowed his face in his father's neck. "It is alright" Splinter soothed and pressed a kiss on Mikey's temple.

"I think that is enough for today, Donatello can you assist me? I wish to speak to you." Splinter spoke gesturing to Mikey, who was now asleep in his arms. Donnie nodded and followed his father and little brother towards Mikey's room.

"I just can't imagine how Mikey must've felt" Donnie whispered as he watched how Splinter tugged in Mikey. Poor little guy was totally exhausted from his little trip to the living room. Donnie sighed and joined his father at the side of Mikey's bed.

Splinter sighed too and rubbed his son's head. "It must have been a horrible experience" He agreed and sat down next to Donatello.

"What do we do now? I mean he has to eat" Donnie obligated after they were seated. He was truly devastated by the news. Of course, they were mostly human but they were still turtles. And eating other turtles was like a human eating a human in order to survive. it was just cannibalism.

"I think it is best to supply him with food another way for the time being." Splinter suggested, gesturing to the IV next to Mikey's bed.

"I guess you're right" Donnie mumbled and slowly stood up. "I'll be right back" He added before leaving Mikey's room. He felt so heavy while walking towards his lab. He hated giving any of his brothers an IV tube, but this time it was necessary. There were only a few other occasions they really needed one but never it was because of such a reason.

When he crossed the living room he noticed Leo and Raph weren't there anymore. He frowned slightly but when he heard voices coming from the dojo he shrugged it off. Of course they would both go to the dojo. Donnie made his way over to the lab and quickly grabbed everything he would need.

When he eventually walked into Mikey's room again Splinter was still next to Mikey and softly singing a Japanese lullaby he would always sing to them when they were little. Donnie smiled slightly and made his way over to the IV stand.

Using his previous experiences he quickly attached the sack of liquid food to the stand and attached a clean needle to it. Splinter had already grabbed Mikey's arm and was presenting it to Donnie. The purple clad turtle nodded gratefully and searched for a vein to inject the needle in.

After a few seconds he finally found one and he carefully inserted the needle in his flesh. Securing it with some medical tape so he couldn't remove it that easily. Then Splinter carefully placed his son's arm on the blanket again and bowed his head. He too thought it was devastating to force his son to eat like this.

But they had no idea what Mikey was given these last few days, and if that was even healthy. Not like eating turtle was very healthy but they had no idea what and especially how much he had been given. Just to be sure Donnie placed the breathing mask on Mikey's face again and unintentionally trailed his fingers along the bandages on his eye again.

Once Mikey would wake up again he had to check on that again. But he still needed to monitor if his sight was still intact so he had to wait until he was awake. Donnie sighed and sat down next to his father.

"Sensei, will he ever... you know.. get better?" Donnie whispered after a few silent moments. Splinter looked up to Donatello and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Physical wounds will heal but I am afraid his emotional scars run deeper than the heart can fully reach." Splinter admitted truthfully. Donnie's face fell. He hated knowing his little brother will probably never be the same. "Do not fret my son, Michelangelo is strong. And he will overcome this"

"But you just said..." Donnie whispered but stopped midsentence. He couldn't talk about him like this. It wasn't right to say his little brother was never going to be the same again. Donnie glanced over to Mikey's lifeless body and he immediately felt the tears forming in his eyes.

"Michelangelo will never be the same as we know" Splinter admitted truthfully, and it was. The things Shredder had done were unbelievable and would always hunt him. "But I believe he can still recover. He is strong, and he will overcome this tragic event" He spoke and ran his fingers along the long cut on Mikey's arm.

"But the scars will always remain."

***Sniff sniff* **


	14. Chapter 14

**~Stand up we are united in the eyes of the greatest storm  
>Line up we are ignited, this world will be reborn~<strong>

"Hey guys" April greeted when she walked into the lair, Casey following her. The turtles looked up to their human friends but didn't greet them back. Splinter was nowhere in sight and was probably meditating again, or whatever he did all day.

"What's wrong?" April frowned when she saw the sad looks on their faces. "Did something happen to Mikey?!" She froze in place at their shocked reactions. What has happened while she was gone?

"Shredder did something…. horrible" Donnie started and gestured April and Casey to sit down. The humans obligated and sat down on the couch. Donnie took a deep breath and decided just to tell it. "He made Mikey eat turtles"

April's eyes widened in fear and disbelieve and she instantly cover her mouth with her hands. It couldn't be. Shredder couldn't have done that. He couldn't be serious, this had to be some kind of stupid joke. But when she looked to her mutant friends she knew it wasn't. They were serious about it, which meant Mikey really did have to eat one of his own.

"That's horrible" Casey whispered and frowned. Finally realizing what they meant too. "What now?" He asked and leaned backwards slightly.

"He's on a IV tube for now, that's all we can do for now. I cleaned his bandages just…." He started but stopped when a muffled sound came from Mikey's room, which sounded awfully lot like a cry. They all exchanged glances before Leo stood up.

"I'll check on him" He informed and walked over to Mikey's room. From previous encounters they had learned it was better to calm him down with just one instead of all. Mikey would only freak out more when they were with more because it made him feel vulnerable. It made him feel like he was overpowered.

Just like he was back with the Shredder. He was all alone, and the Shredder had countless minions and servants against him. So they all agreed it would be better if only one would go. And right now it was Leo's turn.

"Is he going to be okay?" April whispered and glanced over to Donnie. Both Donnie and Raph had a depressed look on their faces and April knew, no matter how much she cared for them, they were suffering the most. They were brothers, and their bond was so strong that they all took it hard when one of them would get hurt, especially when one would get tortured.

"I don't know April, I honestly don't know" Donnie whispered truthfully and dropped his head in defeat.

"Mikey woke up like 3 times already screaming. He's scared April, and I don't think he will ever be ta same" Raph helped Donnie out and tried to keep the hurt out of his voice but it obviously didn't worked but none said something about. They knew, even though Raph wasn't showing it right now, he was hurting too.

Maybe even more because he felt like it was his fault Mikey got captured. Even though Mikey had assured him he didn't blame Raph for his capture. That it was his own choice to go topside, and thus his own fault that he got captured. But that didn't mean Raph stopped blaming himself.

April was lost, she didn't know what to say. The usual happy turtle, it pained her to hear about Mikey. It pained her to know he was so hurt and so scared. She had seen in what condition Mikey was when they brought him in, she had helped Donnie treating Mikey. He was so scared back then, so hurt and broken, literally.

Nobody said for a while and slowly Donnie's shoulders began to shook. Talking about Mikey was just so painful. It was already horrible to experience them but to tell them to someone else was just heartbreaking. Slowly the tears began to stream down his face.

He hated the fact he was crying, not in front of April and Casey but they all didn't seem to mind. They understood why Donnie was so upset. Donnie tried to suppress a sob but it didn't work and a fainted sob sounded through the lair. He closed his eyes in shame until he felt a strong arm around his shoulder. When he looked up he saw it was Raph.

"Subete umaku iku yo. Otouto (Everything will be alright, little brother)" Raph whispered and pressed his little brother against his plastron, just like he did with Mikey this morning. Donnie sniffled slightly and allowed Raph to hug him like that, in front of April and Casey.

And despite the situation April, and even Casey, smiled slightly. It wasn't often Raph would act like this. They mostly knew him as a tough turtle, and as a violent one. And they hardly saw him caring like this. And they both knew he was. When you would first meet Raphael you would think he was harsh and brutal, and they both thought he was at the beginning.

But he was actually so caring and protective over his family. He would always look after each one of his brothers, and he had sworn to die before any of his brothers would die and he was fully prepared to die protecting his family. And these little moments were the only times they truly got to see Raph's true nature. The caring and the loving turtle.

"Arigatou Onii-Chan" Donnie whispered in Raph plastron as he slowly pulled out of the hug. His eyes were a light shade of red and there were still some tears lingering in his eyes which he quickly wiped away.

"Anytime little brother" Raph smiled and planted a quick kiss on Donnie's temple. April smiled again, they were really brothers who cared about each other. And it was a shame they would only show it when something bad has happened. Like when one of them got separated for a long time, or when one of them would get hurt. But that didn't mean they cared less about each other.

Another muffled sound came from Mikey's room and April frowned. She didn't know why but she had a bad feeling about this. "Guys, shouldn't Leo be back already?" She whispered which got all the attention. Obviously the others thought that too as they all frowned upon April's statement.

"You're right" Donnie admitted and glanced over to Raph, who was still holding him tightly. April sighed and stood up.

"I'll check on them" She offered. Donnie smiled and nodded in approval. April glanced over to her turtle friends once more before turning towards Mikey's room. With slow steps she approached Mikey's room and stopped in front of the door to listen. There were some soft sounds but apart from that it was completely silent.

She frowned before opening the door. And then she just froze by the sight. Her eyes went wide with fear. "DONNIE GET OVER HERE NOW!" She screamed distressed but couldn't move from her spot. She seemed frozen in place as she looked in Mikey's room. It couldn't be, not Mikey. He couldn't have done it.

On Mikey's bed was Leo. Mikey pressed to his chest, sobbing. Blood was splattered all around them, coming from Mikey's wrists, and tightly wrapped in Leo's hands was a small blade covered with blood.

**He isn't dead btw, he just cut himself. **


	15. Chapter 15

**~Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it." Michel de Montaigne~**

"What is…." Donnie screamed when running inside Mikey's room but froze just like April when he saw Mikey's room. Leo hugging Mikey tightly, and blood oozing from Mikey's wrist. The bloody knife still in Leo's hand and Mikey firmly pressed against his plastron.

"I-I d-didn't…." Mikey sobbed when he noticed the rest of his family standing in his room too but didn't dare to face them. He just wanted to vanish right then and there. He just wanted it to be over. He hated how scared he was, but most importantly, he hated the fact he cut himself.

"We have to treat it" Donnie said and gestured to Raph. The red banded turtle nodded and ran towards the lab to get the tools Donnie would need. "Mikey why did you do that?" Donnie whispered as he gently approached his baby brother. Carefully he climbed on top of Mikey's bed and placed a comforting hand on Mikey shoulder.

Mikey stiffened because of his touch and whimpered slightly. Gripping Leo's arm harder this time. Donnie felt a wave of nausea coming up when he looked down at Mikey's cuts. Sure they weren't deep or life-threatening but the fact Mikey made this scared him. He just couldn't believe Mikey would cut himself.

He had read about it on Internet. People who were addicted to cutting because they were depressed. It was a way of expressing themselves in some way. And everyone did it with a different reason. They could punish themselves, release their anger or just want to feel the pain.

Carefully Donnie took Mikey's left arm and held it in front of him, looking over the cuts on his arm. Like most people the cut were on his wrist and parallel to the veins in his wrist. In total there were 9 cuts, they weren't too deep luckily. But they were still bleeding. Donnie sighed and placed his hand over the cuts.

"I-I saw t-the blade and…. I j-just wanted…" Mikey sobbed and stopped midsentence again, unable to continue. Leo pressed him harder against his plastron and kissed his head. "I'm sorry" Mikey whispered. Leo slowly pulled Mikey out of his hug and wiped away his tears.

"Hush, we don't blame you Mikey. Trust me" Leo assured him and planted another kiss on his forehead, avoiding the bandage around his eye. He looked so young and so scared, they hated it.

"I-I just w-wanted….. I c-couldn't…." Mikey sobbed, trying to explain himself but every attempt broke into another powerful sob. He couldn't believe it himself, why he had done it. It wasn't like he wanted to commit suicide, no he wanted to live. He wanted to be with his brothers, and still he didn't know why he did it.

But the moment he saw the blade.. He couldn't ignore it. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was bad for him. But at that time he didn't care. He just wanted the feeling to go away. The useless feeling, he couldn't do anything back with the Shredder, Every pain, every bone that was broken, every cut and every burn. He was completely useless.

But when the blade touch his wrist, he just felt alive again. He suddenly had the control again. He could decide for himself and it felt great. He had seen so much blood of himself lately but this time it was different. It was because of him, he choose to cut himself, he could decide how much it would bleed or hurt. And the funny thing was, it didn't.

He had expected it to hurt. Just like it did back with the Shredder, but it didn't. He could feel the blade stinging in between his flesh, but it didn't hurt. It felt good, the blood oozing out of his cuts, the stinging that spread through his body, it made him want more. He wanted to get rid of the useless feeling, for once he wanted to be in control of his body, and not Shredder.

So he continued to cut himself more and more. The last cut deeper and longer than the previous one, but still not deep enough to hurt or be life-threatening. Until Leo came in. And only then did Mikey fully realize what he was doing. He just froze, the blade still in between his wrists, in the flesh of his 9th cut.

_"Mikey" Leo whispered, not sure how to approach him. He couldn't believe it, his baby brother with a blade at his wrist, cutting himself. Slowly he held his hands up, signaling he came in peace. Mikey just continued to stare to Leo, and then back to his cuts, realization washing all over him. He had cut himself. He had cut himself!_

_"Easy Mikey" Leo whispered and took another step. Mikey began to shake and he unintentionally pressed the blade harder against his skin, he wanted it out. He wanted the blade out but somehow he couldn't. he was frozen in place and he could only stare while the blood was staining the knife, his blood, his fault. _

_"Please Mikey put it down" Leo whispered and took another step but still Mikey didn't react. He was only focused on the cuts. He wanted to scream for Leo to get it out, to grab the blade and get it out. He wanted it gone, he hated himself. He had cut himself. Those cuts were his, his fault and his skin. His blood. And somehow it felt good. _

_"it's alright" Leo soothed as he reached Mikey's bed. Still Mikey continued to stare to his wrist. The bloody blade still in his right hand. Leo made another soothing sound before slowly enclosing on Mikey's right wrist. Mikey finally looked up. His baby blue eyes as wide as possible with so much fear and regret in his eyes it pained Leo to see him. _

_"It is alright" Leo said again as he slowly lifted Mikey's right arm up, taking the blade out of Mikey's flesh. Mikey wanted to thank Leo but he still couldn't. He could only stare in Leo's deep blue eyes and they continued to stare at his too. Then Leo slowly looked down to Mikey's right hand and unfolded it, revealing the bloody blade. _

_"Why Mikey?" Leo whispered and took the blade from him. He shuddered slightly, it was a sharp knife and if Mikey really wanted to kill himself he could've done it. Mikey's shoulders began to shake heavily as the first tears appeared in his eyes. _

_"I-i…. " Mikey managed to say before he shut himself up. Tears were now freely streaming down his face. Leo's face shifted and he immediately pulled Mikey into a big hug. Pressing his baby brother's head against his plastron. _

Mikey sniffled slightly as he watched Donnie working on his arm. He was still hugging Leo tightly but Raph had his wrist and Donnie was carefully stitching it up. It took them a long time before Mikey had calmed down enough, and had willingly presented his wrist. But Raph still had to hold it for him or he would pull away.

"Why did ya do it?" Raph whispered when Donnie began to wrap Mikey's wrist. Mikey sniffled again and wiped away his tears with his free hand before grapping Leo's hand again. "Why did ya try to kill yerself?" Mikey's eyes widened slightly at the comment.

"I-I didn't" He sniffled and looked at Raph. "I just wanted… b-back with the … with him i-I couldn't do anything.. I just wanted to b-be in control. I'm sorry" He explained himself and buried his face in Leo's plastron again. Trying to hold back his tears. Raph's face flushed with guilt, he couldn't believe Shredder had managed to do all of this. To make him cut himself.

"It's okay Mikey, none of us blame you. It wasn't your fault" Leo soothed and rubbed Mikey's head slightly. Mikey sniffled again and pulled out of the hug. Watching in Leo's eyes again. A tiny smile made its way over Mikey's face.

"R-really?" He whispered.

"Really" Leo assured him and gave a quick kiss on Mikey's head. Mikey giggled slightly before yawning. "Sleep Mikey" Leo ordered, slightly joking and shifted so he could place Mikey on his bed but Mikey refused to and pouted slightly.

"I don't want to be alone. C-can I sleep on the couch?" He whispered almost fearfully and looked up to his brothers. They all exchanged glances, it was probably a bad idea since he probably wouldn't get any sleep but they still nodded. If Mikey wanted this they would.

"Of course Mikey" Raph smiled and easily scooped him up. Mikey smiled despite the situation and nuzzled in Raph's plastron. Raph smirked when he saw what Mikey was doing. Leo and Donnie followed Raph into the living room, Donnie carrying a blanket and a pillow. When they arrived in the living room they saw April and Casey weren't there anymore. Raph quickly shrugged it off and lowered Mikey on the couch.

"Thanks Raphie" Mikey mumbled and closed his eyes. Donnie carefully lifted his head and placed the pillow under it while Leo tugged Mikey in with the blanket. Mikey blinked a few times before closing his eyes again, and in a few seconds he was asleep.

**Mikey's reason is from my experience and how I think about what I did in the past, so if the internet, or maybe someone close tells you it is different, that is possible because everyone thinks different about it. **

**And I can't thank you enough for all the reviews and followers and the readers! So thank you :D **


	16. Chapter 16

**~The worst is over now and we can breathe again  
>I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away~<strong>

"Come on Mikey, ya have ta try. Otherwise we will have ta use the IV again" Raph encouraged his little brother as he held a spoon of soup, filled with vegetables, in front of Mikey's mouth. It would be too cruel to give him chicken soup or just anything with meat, since he had to eat turtles. Mikey sat cross-legged on the couch, Raph in front of him, also cross-legged on the couch.

"I… can't Raphie. I will only bring it up again" Mikey whispered and turned away from the spoon of soup. He just couldn't himself. He could only see the dead turtles in front of them, and how he was forced to eat them. He had eaten his own kind in order to survive.

"You have ta try Mikey. Ya can't live on liquid food" Raph tried again but Mikey refused to take a single bite. He couldn't. The last time he tried he ended up puking it. Mikey glanced to his wrist again. The bandage was taken off so the scares were now clearly visible. He slowly ran his fingers over the scars. He hated it. He wished he had never done it.

"Please Mikey." Raph whispered and brought the spoon closer to Mikey. The small turtle winced slightly but then hesitantly brought his mouth closer to the spoon. He winced at the smell but soon enclosed his mouth around the spoon. Raph smirked slightly as Mikey swallowed the tiny spoon of soup. He hated that Mikey would have to live with an IV for the rest of his live when he couldn't eat himself.

Raph just wanted to praise Mikey on eating again when his face turned pale. He slapped his hand on top of his mouth and could just turn around before he hurled on the ground. A loud sob came from the injured turtle when he emptied his stomach from the little food that was in his stomach.

"Shell Mikey" Raph whispered and placed a soothing hand on Mikey's shell while he was hanging above his own vomit. Gagging and whimpering. Eventually Raph decided to pull him up and immediately scooped him up.

"I'm sorry" Mikey whispered as he curled up against Raph's plastron in defeat.

"Don't be Mikey, yer did nothing wrong" Raph soothed him and continued to walk towards the lab. Donnie was still working in his lab, as usual. "Don" Raph frowned when he entered the lab. Donnie turned around, his face flushing when he saw Raph carrying Mikey.

"What happened?" Donnie asked distressed and walked over to Mikey, placing his hand on Mikey's forehead to detect any possible fever, but luckily this wasn't the case. But Mikey still looked terribly sick. "Place him on the table, I have to look at his wounds anyway" Donnie ordered and pointed at the medical bed.

"I tried ta make him eat and he puked." Raph explained, guilt stinging in his voice. He made Mikey eat while he knew he didn't want to. What Shredder did was just awful but still he asked Mikey to eat. He was a terrible brother.

"I'm sorry" Mikey squeaked and wiped away his tears.

"Stop blaming yerself Mikey. It was my fault" Raph obligated as he walked over to the medical bed. Gently he placed Mikey down and sat down next to him. Holding him steady as he sat on the bed. Donnie frowned as he picked up some bandages and other stuff he would need and made his way over to Mikey and Raph.

"Open up" Donnie ordered and placed a thermometer in Mikey's open mouth. The young turtle whined slightly when he felt the cold metal pressing against his mouth but said nothing. Eventually Donnie removed it and checked it. "Still a slight fever but it's minimal" Donnie exclaimed and gave a shallow smile before turning towards Mikey again.

"I don't like it either but I'm afraid if you don't eat I will have to give you an IV again, but this can wait for a few hours" Donnie offered, since Mikey had been on an IV for the whole night. Mikey nodded and grabbed Raph's hand as Donnie began to grab some new bandages and chemicals.

"Alright, I'm going to remove the bandage around your eye okay?" Donnie asked and reached out for the bandage around his eye. Mikey nodded slightly before Donnie started to peel away his bandages. Mikey whimpered slightly when he felt the bandage leaving his injured eye and he blinked a few times at the light that entered his eye.

"It's bad right?" Mikey whispered and looked down when he saw the shocked expressions on Raph's and Donnie's face.

"It's not that bad, it's healing fine" Donnie shrugged and grabbed a mirror. Mikey swallowed heavily and looked into the mirror. Immediately tears formed in his eyes. He hated how he looked. There were still some light bruises on his face which were almost invisible but the slashes were still visible. 2 nasty gashes, one nearly nicking his eye, and one actually nicking his eye.

But even Mikey couldn't deny the fact it looked better than it did before. The butterfly stitched on his eyelid made sure the cut had healed already enough there, partly because the cut was very shallow there, and the rest of the clean was neatly sealed together.

"I will remove the butterfly stitches but the real stitches have to stay for a few days, maybe a week" Donnie explained. Mikey nodded again and closed his eyes so Donnie could remove them. Mikey winced slightly when the stitches were pulled off his eyelid but it wasn't particularly painful.

"Done" Donnie said after a few minutes and Mikey opened his eyes again, still wincing at the bright light in his injured eye. "I can bandage it again if you want but it isn't really necessary" Donnie offered. Mikey knew why he did it, so he wouldn't have to look at it every time he would walk across a mirror.

"No I don't want to" Mikey said and shook his head lightly. Donnie smiled slightly and continued to check the other stitches. They were still holding properly and the new cuts were not really deep so the stitches could be taken out very soon. But that didn't mean he wouldn't have any scars in the future. Donnie grinned and then moved to the burn marks. He smiled again when he saw there were healing at an accelerant rate. And they would only leave some darker shaded marks in the future.

"That's all I can do Mikey" Donnie said after checking every injury and hugged his baby brother deeply. Mikey returned the hug and buried his face in Donnie's neck. Smiling happily.

"Come on squirt, let's get ya to ta couch" Raph offered and grinned when Donnie and Mikey pulled out of the hug. Pouting because Raph just interrupted their brotherly moment. Raph just smirked and stood up, ready to carry Mikey.

"I want to walk myself" Mikey whispered when he noticed Raph had his hand stretched for Mikey to take it. Raph frowned and glanced over to Donnie, who nodded in approval. Mikey was able to walk himself, but of course it would be easier to carry him. But Mikey would want to walk himself.

"But I'll support you" Raph said, not willing to let Mikey walk alone. Mikey smiled, figuring that was probably the best he could get and allowed Raph to help him up. He winced slightly when his feet, and his walking cast, touched the ground but smiled when he found out he was able to stand without any pain. Though he could still feel the straining on his muscles.

"Ya okay? " Raph asked worriedly but Mikey brushed it off and took a few steps, smiling when he noticed he was really able to walk himself. "Good job Kid" Raph praised him as he followed his slightly limping little brother into the living room.

* * *

><p>Mikey sighed as he stared at the bathtub in front of him. He wanted to but he couldn't bring himself to do it. But he wanted to. He growled and looked down at the cuts on his wrist. He dared to slice his own skin, why couldn't he just do it? Why couldn't he face himself.<p>

"Don't be a coward" Mikey whispered to himself as he made ready to turn around again, but again he froze. He didn't understand, he had seen his own reflection just hours before, but somehow he couldn't. He took a deep breath again. "Don't be a coward Mikey" He said again before he slowly turned around, facing the mirror in the bathroom.

His face flushed when he saw his own reflection. The bright light only seemed to worsen his stitches. He wiped away a new tear and brought his face closer to the mirror, trailing his fingers over the neat stitches. He winced slightly but it didn't hurt. He skin beneath was neatly sealed together, but you could still see the distinction between the parts.

He sniffled slightly, he had to accept it, it could only improve from now on but he knew he would always be stuck with the scars. He just had to accept. He took a deep breath and brought his orange mask to his face, slowly tying it. He winced slightly when the stitches on his large cut on his arm began to pull slightly but it wasn't enough to do any damage.

He breathed out again and lowered his arms, looking at his own face. He shuddered, it wasn't Mikey. It wasn't the loving and happy turtle he always knew. The happy and carefree turtle he knew and adored. No, in front of him was a broken and scared turtle, with ugly scars over his face and body. Mikey sniffled and ran his fingers over his wrist, feeling the familiar rush shuddering through his body.

He hated the cuts, it would always be a reminder of what he had done. Luckily his usual gear would cover them up for the most part, but the last few cuts would still be visible. He sighed and turned towards the door, instantly pulling his mask off. He couldn't wear it just yet, The mask was Mikey's, not his.

And he would do everything to wear his mask again.

* * *

><p><strong>So we're almost done with this story :( I guess 1 or 2 more chapters. <strong>

**Thank you all for the reviews, really! **


	17. Chapter 17

**~There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.~**

* * *

><p>It was a normal evening again. Splinter was out again, nobody knew where to but he did that often. Mikey was placed on the couch. A blanket wrapped around him to keep him warm and his brothers all around him. Mikey was still healing and he was still without his mask. It had been a few days since they rescued him. His wounds were healing well but there would always be scars.<p>

"Who wants popcorn?" Leo cheered as he entered the room. Both Raph and Donnie looked up and raised their hands, but Mikey stayed put. Leo immediately regretted what he said as he looked over to the tube sticking out of his arm. Even after these days Mikey refused to eat, and the attempts he made ended in puking it up.

So Donnie decided to give him an semi-permanent IV. "It's okay" Mikey shrugged and shifted uneasily. Leo stared for a few more seconds before he placed the bowl of popcorn in front of the TV. The brothers hesitated for a bit but eventually all grabbed the popcorn. Raph sighed and sat down next to Mikey and wrapped an arm around the small turtle.

The burn marks were almost completely healed, and like Donnie had suggested they were barely visible. The slashes still had the stitches but they knew it would always be a scar, even with Donnie's care and medical knowledge. But what pained them the most were the cuts on his wrist. They weren't deep and they wouldn't leave any obvious scars, but they were still there.

"You okay knucklehead?" Raph whispered and drew Mikey closer to himself. Mikey sighed and rested his head on Raph's plastron. He was far from okay. He was tortured just days ago, he died and he was all alone in the hands of the Shredder, of course he wasn't okay, but he was trying. Trying to wear his mask again, and he could only do that when he was Mikey again.

"No" Mikey whispered so softly it broke Raph's heart. "I just keep thinking about him, about Mikey. How he was, I just want to be him again" He explained and continued to stare to the TV. Raph was quiet for a few seconds, not really knowing what to do. He was never good with talking, he was the more physical type.

"You don't have to be Mikey, you have to be you" Raph whispered after a few seconds, it probably wasn't the best thing to say but somehow it made Mikey smile so he decided to continue. "listen ta me, ya don't have to pretend or be who you was. What matters is who ya are now. And don't ever change that" He continued and took a deep breath.

Mikey stayed quiet during his ranting, leaning against Raph's plastron and listening to his heartbeat. "I don't care if yer not the same Mikey, 'Cause you will always be my baby brother. And the name doesn't matter. I love you for who you are, not for the name. So don't worry" Raph whispered and planted a kiss on Mikey's temple.

"But that's the problem Raph, I want to be him. I want to be carefree again, I don't want to be haunted by nightmares and the scars everyday" Mikey objected.

"Listen to ma kid, you are still the same as you always was, ya just changed. The most important part is that yer here, try letting go of the past. Don't focus on being Mikey, focus on being yerself" Raph finished his little speech. Mikey sniffled slightly and a small grin made its way over Mikey's face.

"Thanks Raphie" Mikey smiled as he took in everything Raph said. Maybe it was true. Maybe he shouldn't try to be Mikey again. He couldn't after all. The Mikey they, and he, knew was gone. And was still back with the Shredder. But what Raph said made him realize something.

He didn't have to be Mikey to wear his mask again, he just needed to be himself.

TMNT

* * *

><p>Weeks had passed since Mikey was captured by the Shredder. His physical wounds healed nicely. The burn marks were still visible but they weren't too obvious, and nobody noticed them really. The cuts on his wrists healed too. You could still feel them when you ran over it but apart from that they were invisible, and Mikey kept most of them hidden under his gear.<p>

His brothers kept watching him every day and every moment of the day. But Mikey had never cut himself again. He had thought about it several times and sometimes he was even prepared to do it. It was hard, and he knew he was addicted to cutting. He somehow couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time he was reminded he wanted to cut again, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

How much he wanted the pain, and the control he couldn't. It felt wrong pressing the blade against his skin. And even after weeks he wasn't fully healed. He would still be awake for hours in his bed, thinking about cutting himself, but every time he shrugged it off, told himself it was bad to do. And every time he managed to avoid it.

Raph was almost always at his side, always prepared to help him. Not like Leo and Donnie weren't, but Raph still felt guilty and made sure he was around whenever Mikey was around. In the first weeks Mikey grew very silent and spent most of his time thinking and crying about what happened. And his brothers would always be there to comfort him.

Over the weeks he spoke more and moved around more. He still didn't join their training but nobody was about to push him. Physically he was able to join, his wounds were healed, although he still had to be careful, but he couldn't. Every attempt to fight ended up in him being frozen. Remembering the Shredder. He would always see the Shredder instead of his family and he would collapse right there.

He did the most he could to train, he joined the mediation lessons and for once he was actually good at it. What happened with the Shredder changed him, in a bad way, but also in a good way. He almost died, and that made him realize how important life was. Yes it was important to keep each other happy, but after what happened he started taking training, or meditation, more serious.

The scars still remained, the long cut on his arm was still visible and would never go away. It would always be red and slightly swollen. And the slashes over and near his eye would never go away. They weren't as noticeable as they were but they were still visible. And after weeks Mikey had finally accepted them. He knew this was him.

In the first week he would be scared with every loud noise and every sound in the lair but eventually this also passed away and Mikey began to laugh a little bit again. And they really knew when he was getting better when he actually pranked Leo for the first time. It wasn't his usual master prank, but it was something. And they had all laughed when Leo stood in the shower with feathers all over his body. Even Mikey had laughed.

The eating was something that was still not over. In the first few weeks he refused to eat real food and Donnie was forced to feed him through an IV, but eventually Raph convinced him to eat some soup every day. It wasn't much, and it was just regular soup without anything in it so Donnie still had to feed him through an IV, to give him enough food and the nutrients he needed. But this meant he was getting better, slowly but surely.

Mikey spent a lot of time talking about what happened, how he felt and what he went through. And everyone was prepared to listen. Splinter did extra mediation lessons to help him deal with everything he went through. And it would help eventually. And after weeks you could clearly see how much Mikey had improved.

Only a week ago Splinter had made Mikey do some kata's. He was afraid at first, thinking he would see the Shredder again but without an opponent he found out he didn't. And over the week Splinter slowly tried to regain his strength. He wasn't on the same level yet, and he would probably never be if he continued to be afraid, but he has improving greatly. And he was focusing in every way he could.

Splinter had always told Michelangelo he had the most raw talent and he smiled when he saw he wasn't mistaking. Mikey regained so much agility and so much speed only in this last week, that it wouldn't be long before he would be able to catch up to his brothers.

He didn't train with them just yet, but he was there when they did their kata's, and Splinter was proud when he saw that his youngest could almost keep up with his brothers. He was still a bit shaky, unbalanced but he managed to keep up.

And Splinter knew, that Mikey would eventually also overcome this fear. And he would get his youngest son back in time.

TMNT

**So unfortunately this is the end of this story! I'm so sad actually :(**

**So i did a new drawing on this story! it's not that good but i think it's my best one yet ^^ It's on Deviantart: Athese1**

**I hope you like the end though ^^ I didn't want to make it too good and all but I didn't want to keep you guys hanging with the feeling he never got better xD**

**And thanks for all the reviews, Like seriously! I never thought I would get this much, thanks to everyone who supported me by reviewing and following this story!**

**And for those who follow 'The lost son', that one will be updated soon!**

**Thanks again for everything, I love you all :3**

**~Athese.**


	18. Chapter 18

A sequel is posted for this story, it's called 'Flames of Vengeance'

Just thought I'd let you know ^^

And thanks everyone who reviewed!


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